I feel compelled….

I feel compelled to write today….

I wasn’t going to read 50 Shades….. but all my vanilla friends are…. so I felt the need.  I wanted to be able to talk about it and hear what they have to say.  So far my best friend in just annoyed with all the blushing and the formal name usage…. LOLOL

And oh boy… That Grey guy certainly has some issues.  Like you all, I hate that the author made his dominant/sadistic side all about the terrible abuse that he suffered as a child, she practically demonizes his desires.  But then again…. this is a story.  I get that.  Unfortunately, it puts all that in people’s minds… that BDSM is sick, like a mental problem.  I don’t believe that.  Anyway, the sex in these book is great.  It is also getting to be a bit much.  It seems like they are doing it about 50 times a day.  It’s getting a little old.  Overall, enjoying it though.  I just filter out what I don’t like.

Speaking of filtering….

Brad and I are doing pretty well right now.  I no longer feel the need to shelter myself under the “tune it out” blanket.  We are co existing more happily these days and finally having sex again.  No D/s for us now though, and it will probably be that way for a while.  I think there will be some fun spanking here and there though, yay!  It’s been quite some time, I can’t even say how long it’s been.   Long enough.   I finally feel strong enough to come out of my shell and enjoy myself without piling on the expectations, and it’s actually liberating.  We still aren’t talking much about anything feelings related, at least between us, but I think that is something that I need to hold off on for a while.  I’m pretty sure that I could slip back into old habits if I don’t give it more time.  It seems to me that my feelings are something that I need to deal with on my own, or with my girlfriends, or with my therapist.  And even though it seems like it shouldn’t be that way, (it shouldn’t) this is what is best for our marriage right now, and in turn each of us.

So, just letting you know, I am happy, healthy, and moving along.