We are going out tonight….. first time in a long time, as long as I can remember, with just the two of us. It was his idea and has said recently – “we should spend more time together”. We should probably, but it’s kind of funny (not in a ha ha kind of way) that he said that – like it’s a simple as that and then everything can be ok. It’s something I guess, which is more than I’ve attempted lately. I really hope he doesn’t want to talk a lot.
I am not brave or strong or unwavering…. I don’t want to deal with the aftermath should I let my guard down. The dam will burst, my head will explode…. oh, it will be messy. And then I will have to clean it up on my own, that’s how it is. I am starting to accept that we are not compatible in the way that I wish we were. We operate on two totally different levels. Not better or worse, just very very very different.