you’re welcome

A few weeks ago Brad told me that he just couldn’t do the dom thing anymore.  He couldn’t keep trying, no more spanking, no more anything D/s.  Not because he didn’t want to, but because he wanted to too much.  His complaint was that I wasn’t where he was, we weren’t on the same page, and it was just to hard to keep wanting it.  He was right, we’ve been totally off lately, worlds apart.  I’ve been trying to keep from crossing over the line into depression, I’m busy and overwhelmed trying to keep up with the house and the kid’s school stuff and all their extra activities, not to mention all the holiday stuff. Also between August and October there are nine birthdays in the family.  Sooooo much going on.  It’s really hard to find the emotional and physical energy to work on your relationship, let alone turn into a sex kitten at the drop of a hat. 

So anyway, when he told me that he wanted to get away from all that I kind of freaked out at first.  Kind of.  After we talked I decided to not worry about it at this time and just give him the space he needed to do what he needed to do.  And it’s funny because since he said all that we’ve had more than enough sex and I’ve been spanked at least three times since then. 

Ok, well the first time I asked him to do it, and only if he did not mind.  We were both trying, but having so much trouble connecting in any significant way.  I wasn’t even connecting with myself, let alone him.  I would try to talk about how I was feeling, and I don’t know… the words just hung in the air and didn’t seems to reach him.  So we talked about how we weren’t connecting and I just didn’t know why I felt so off.  Having warm memories of so many nights we spent spanking (and then other things), I said maybe that was something we could try.  I didn’t mention the memories, just that maybe that would help.  Maybe I should have said “hey, remember all those times when….” or “this might help with the intimacy issue”.  Maybe that would have given him a clearer idea of what I was looking for or where my expectations were, but it didn’t even cross my mind that I needed to explain further at the time.  What I needed something that felt loving and caring and I needed to be handled gently.  What he gave me was silence that felt cold and a heavy handed spanking that left my expectations unfulfilled.  We talked about it right away, obviously we were on different pages.  It was unsettling to be so disappointed, not in him, but that our efforts seemed to make things worse, especially in this area.

I’m happy to report that we’ve improved since then.    I think that I have turned him into a true spanko, the guy can’t have sex with out smacking my behind at the very least once or twice.  He also seems to enjoy smacking me in the kitchen, the family room, and where ever else I happen to be.  I was on the receiving end of some pretty nice spanking this afternoon (that I did not ask for) and in the middle of…eh hem… the next activity, he says “I love pinning you down like this”.    “Hmmm… I’ve noticed……  Did you ever think about pinning me down before I got us to all this kinky stuff?”   He laughed “No”.  “You’re welcome”. 

He’s thankful.  So, yeah…I’m not worried.

Also, did anyone see this SNL skit last night? 

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/secret-word/1368180/

Watch the whole thing if you feel like it but I just want you to catch the first 30 seconds.

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6 thoughts on “you’re welcome

  1. abby says:

    I am glad to hear that things are getting better. abby

  2. Sara says:

    Ally, wouldn’t it be nice of marriage came with a road map? Maybe like a Mapquest app where we could enter in our coordinates and get a route to get from here to there spelled out for us. Hey, one can dream!
    Unfortunately, we find our way through trial and error, often stumbling. Or maybe it;s not unfortunate, because these times when we feel lost and then find our way back are sometimes the times we learn the most from. I hope you do something to resolve that depression and I hope you and Brad find your way back to each other quickly! Sara

  3. Bob says:

    Communication is definitely the key that unlocks the attainment of our DESIRES!!

    Bob

  4. sarah thorne says:

    The link is taking too long to load, and I don’t normally watch SNL. 😦

    I can relate to how you feel. While we’re not far removed in intimacy, we are not on the same page D/s -wise and like you, I have such a busy schedule with all of the same things you mention!

    Hope it continues to get better for you guys.

    sarah

  5. Ally, We too have had this dance of each of us stepping back and then we dance and then the other steps back. At times I think it’s not working, but maybe it’s just that the pendulum swings far at first and then it swings a little closer and then when you’re really in sync it swings back and forth more quickly. I think none of us will swing side by side together, b/c we realize that that doesn’t work for “folks like us”. Sometimes one of us needs to walk backward. Yeah, and in high heels like Ginger Rogers. But we both can’t lead. Dancing means reading the other, and staying close, sure. But we all need to get off our feet too. Maybe you really *are* reading each other and it really is working well. It’s just maybe a very slow dance and you’re both still learning the steps. I know we are. We could use Arthur Murray sometimes! lol We also need some snazzy music to block out everything that’s going on in our crazy lives!
    Like Brad, Henry is quite thankful for *the snazzy* that I brought to the bedroom too. It’s just the spark that we needed to tango across the room! Hugs, Elysia

  6. “He couldn’t keep trying, no more spanking, no more anything
    D/s. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he wanted to too much.” I can totally understand his statement. It can really be difficult at times to be the dominant HOH you want us to be. Especially, when activities in daily life are overwhelming you. Maybe he’s conflicted by wanting to protect and take care of you on the one hand, and enjoying what he knows you are willing to provide on the other. It’s difficult to not be selfish!

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