A few weeks ago Brad told me that he just couldn’t do the dom thing anymore. He couldn’t keep trying, no more spanking, no more anything D/s. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he wanted to too much. His complaint was that I wasn’t where he was, we weren’t on the same page, and it was just to hard to keep wanting it. He was right, we’ve been totally off lately, worlds apart. I’ve been trying to keep from crossing over the line into depression, I’m busy and overwhelmed trying to keep up with the house and the kid’s school stuff and all their extra activities, not to mention all the holiday stuff. Also between August and October there are nine birthdays in the family. Sooooo much going on. It’s really hard to find the emotional and physical energy to work on your relationship, let alone turn into a sex kitten at the drop of a hat.
So anyway, when he told me that he wanted to get away from all that I kind of freaked out at first. Kind of. After we talked I decided to not worry about it at this time and just give him the space he needed to do what he needed to do. And it’s funny because since he said all that we’ve had more than enough sex and I’ve been spanked at least three times since then.
Ok, well the first time I asked him to do it, and only if he did not mind. We were both trying, but having so much trouble connecting in any significant way. I wasn’t even connecting with myself, let alone him. I would try to talk about how I was feeling, and I don’t know… the words just hung in the air and didn’t seems to reach him. So we talked about how we weren’t connecting and I just didn’t know why I felt so off. Having warm memories of so many nights we spent spanking (and then other things), I said maybe that was something we could try. I didn’t mention the memories, just that maybe that would help. Maybe I should have said “hey, remember all those times when….” or “this might help with the intimacy issue”. Maybe that would have given him a clearer idea of what I was looking for or where my expectations were, but it didn’t even cross my mind that I needed to explain further at the time. What I needed something that felt loving and caring and I needed to be handled gently. What he gave me was silence that felt cold and a heavy handed spanking that left my expectations unfulfilled. We talked about it right away, obviously we were on different pages. It was unsettling to be so disappointed, not in him, but that our efforts seemed to make things worse, especially in this area.
I’m happy to report that we’ve improved since then. I think that I have turned him into a true spanko, the guy can’t have sex with out smacking my behind at the very least once or twice. He also seems to enjoy smacking me in the kitchen, the family room, and where ever else I happen to be. I was on the receiving end of some pretty nice spanking this afternoon (that I did not ask for) and in the middle of…eh hem… the next activity, he says “I love pinning you down like this”. “Hmmm… I’ve noticed…… Did you ever think about pinning me down before I got us to all this kinky stuff?” He laughed “No”. “You’re welcome”.
He’s thankful. So, yeah…I’m not worried.
Also, did anyone see this SNL skit last night?
Watch the whole thing if you feel like it but I just want you to catch the first 30 seconds.