This post was inspired by some texts between Brad and I today… it seemed to just write itself.
To Brad –
I didn’t know how to say this before, in such a clear way. I think I’ve tried to show you, to get you to see, or hoping that you would just know intuitively. But none of those have worked, and now I know just what to say.
I am a broken girl. Wall have things that go on in our childhood that cause us problems in our adult relationships, this is mine. I was rarely talked to. My parents didn’t care to discuss things with me. Nothing difficult, or what I perceived as difficult. Nobody talked to me. I didn’t learn to say what I wanted, what I needed, or much of how I felt. Much less learn to say those things constructively. I’m an adult now, and I ‘ve learned a little along the way, too slowly for my liking, but still. So I need you to talk to me, all the time. I need you to draw me out, or at least try. When we are talking about ttwd, and where we might be headed, I need you to talk in excess, so that I can feel comfortable talking about it. When we are practicing ttwd, I need you to talk to me so I know you still care. So I know that you are not off in your world when we are together. So I know that you are there for me. Even during the rough stuff, especially then, I need you to talk to me gently, because without that I am still alone. When you don’t talk to me, it feels uncaring. There is something about the whole dynamic, there is something there that I am using to help put the pieces of me together, to heal. This is an important part.
I know that it’s not natural for you… you are not a talker. That wasn’t modeled for you as a child either. Funny how it works out that way, or rather frustrating, isn’t it? I just need you to try. I really really need you to try. I will help in any way I can.