But time makes you bolder…..

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm, mmm, mmm

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I’m getting older too

-Landslide  (part of it anyway)

I LOVE this song and it has been close to my heart lately.  I am not in a bad place though.  Quite the opposite.  Not everything is perfect, or the way I would like it to be, but really… when does that ever happen?  Brad and I are doing awesome.  Last night he told me that he feels closer to me now than he ever has.  It was also interesting to hear him say that he felt it had more to do with him changing his perspective about me than anything.  I feel close to him too.  Mostly because I have been more open about my feelings, more open in general, than I ever have before with him.  Partly out of necessity, partly because the changes in him made it safe for me to do so. 

So why the song?  There are three lines that reach out and grab me.  “Can the child within my heart rise above?  Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?  Can I handle the seasons of my life?”   Change is something that most people struggle with.  When I think about change it makes me want to throw a tantrum like a child.  (Inside my head of course.)  Sometimes there are changes that I balk at so strongly that I wonder if I will ever accept them and go on and be happy.  I can become obsessive about these things too.  Like I have to keep pushing until it’s not a problem anymore.  This isn’t always the best way.  Sometimes it’s better to stay calm and wait and see what happens.  A friend of mine once told me “Change is life…can’t avoid it…” and some other stuff I can’t remember word for word.  But it left the  impression that I’d better get over being mad/sad/resistant to change because it’s always going to be there whether I want it or not and I’d better learn how to deal with it, hopefully in a more positive way, with a more positive perspective.

Can I handle whatever comes my way?  I know I can live through it, of course.  Can I get through it and still be happy?  Happier?  Happiness isn’t everything…. I don’t know.  One thing I do know for sure from the past few months is that this is true  – Just when you think there is no hope… there it is. 

 

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “But time makes you bolder…..

  1. KayLynn says:

    Ally,

    You have the wisdom to know when it is safe, safer, and safest to take a risk. I guess it is up to you when you want to be your happiest. We had an old beautiful tree that had to come down. We would replant. The choice came down to this: could we stand staring at it each day with awe and regret? Or could we face its absence and watch growth?

    It’s not easy. But it is about moving yourself (tantrumming perhaps) through what must be. You sound as if you ‘must be’ moving where you had hoped to be not so very long ago

    • Ally says:

      KayLynn, I like your tree analogy. I’m not sure where I am but I am just taking one day at a time. Trying not to be too anxious about life but not ignoring it either.

  2. Katherine says:

    All change, even the best kind, involves loss. I believe the challenge for us is to embrace it when we can. You sound like you’re in a good place, Ally. I’m so happy for you.

    Your post made me think of the difference between happiness and joy. The first is definitely an emotion based on good and positive things happening in, to, and around us. The latter is something that abides within us whether we are happy or not and helps us weather the storms of life.

    • Ally says:

      Katherine, I totally agree, all change involves loss. Some change is harder than others. Some change I don’t mind at all. And some change I just flat out refuse to accept the reality of it even when there is nothing I can do about it no matter how badly I want to. That’s the kind of change I wonder about. Reminds me of the serenity prayer… probably something I should think on….
      Thanks!

  3. elle says:

    As someone who’s spent many years struggling with (or maybe against) change, I’ve come to appreciate it more lately and to trust that even when we can’t see the why of it, or need for it, in the moment, the reasons often become clearer in hindsight.

    Many of the things I absolutely wouldn’t have changed given the choice, have led to something pretty wonderful in the end.

    love and hugs xxx

    • Ally says:

      elle, I hope that I can come to that acceptance, and even appreciation, of change the way you have. I do know what you mean about it leading to better things sometimes though 🙂

  4. greengirl says:

    Ally,
    I’ve always loved that song too, that line in particular. I’m so impressed with your outlook and your attitude about things. Peace.

  5. Tapestry says:

    That’s been one of my favorite songs for years also. For some of the same reasons too. The slight difference is that I look for and embrace most change (not all.) I am one of the perpetually dis-satisfied people who don’t like being stagnate. Not sure why, or what this says about me, perhaps I get bored easily.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Tapestry

    • Ally says:

      Tapestry, I am sorry it took me so long to respond to your comment. I think it’s great that you are so open to change. I wish that I could be more like that. Thanks for commenting 🙂

  6. Ally, that song always speaks to me, no matter my mood. Yes it’s a little sad, but it’s one of those songs that really speaks to a woman and our unique struggles.

    I think it is just the most awesome thing that Brad has embraced a change in himself, and has changed his perspective. Somehow I think that you’ve been waiting for that for some time, and may not have even realized it until it happened. I too have noticed significant changes in H, and I often didn’t even realize it was what i was hoping for, until after it happened. But before hand, I was a little sad about “it”. Does that make sense?

    As far as your own struggle with change, maybe it takes some people longer to embrace changes. This isn’t good or bad, just different. Be gentle on yourself when you have difficulty with change, you are sensitive like me, and it’s hard to accept things b/c we have to leave some precious things behind. We don’t want to *lose* those things. At least that’s what I often relate to in your posts. I think *that* is harder than accepting the new thing. I know it is for me anyway. I struggle with it constantly.

    As for happiness, I read a celebrity quote recently that said “Happiness is overrated. I strive for satisfaction.” And indeed Ally, you and Brad *both* sound satisfied! Hugs, E

    • Ally says:

      hey Elysia, I do know what you mean, it made a lot of sense. I do think that you and I are a lot a like. I know that you get me when I write. I can tell from your comment. I agree too with the happiness quote, satisfied is a good place to be. 🙂 Thanks!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s