I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm, mmm, mmm
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I’m getting older too
-Landslide (part of it anyway)
I LOVE this song and it has been close to my heart lately. I am not in a bad place though. Quite the opposite. Not everything is perfect, or the way I would like it to be, but really… when does that ever happen? Brad and I are doing awesome. Last night he told me that he feels closer to me now than he ever has. It was also interesting to hear him say that he felt it had more to do with him changing his perspective about me than anything. I feel close to him too. Mostly because I have been more open about my feelings, more open in general, than I ever have before with him. Partly out of necessity, partly because the changes in him made it safe for me to do so.
So why the song? There are three lines that reach out and grab me. “Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?” Change is something that most people struggle with. When I think about change it makes me want to throw a tantrum like a child. (Inside my head of course.) Sometimes there are changes that I balk at so strongly that I wonder if I will ever accept them and go on and be happy. I can become obsessive about these things too. Like I have to keep pushing until it’s not a problem anymore. This isn’t always the best way. Sometimes it’s better to stay calm and wait and see what happens. A friend of mine once told me “Change is life…can’t avoid it…” and some other stuff I can’t remember word for word. But it left the impression that I’d better get over being mad/sad/resistant to change because it’s always going to be there whether I want it or not and I’d better learn how to deal with it, hopefully in a more positive way, with a more positive perspective.
Can I handle whatever comes my way? I know I can live through it, of course. Can I get through it and still be happy? Happier? Happiness isn’t everything…. I don’t know. One thing I do know for sure from the past few months is that this is true – Just when you think there is no hope… there it is.