the strings that pull my heart – part 2

Here is the second worksheet if you are interested.  It’s very easy, all you are going to do is transfer answers from the first.

This sheet is titled “Unconscious Relationship Agenda”

#1  I am trying to find and/or get a spouse who will be:

Here you will list the positive traits you circled from section A (page 1)

#2 But I won’t really fall in love unless he/she also has at least some of these traits

Here you list the circled traits from section B

3. In my marriage/relationship I will struggle to get my spouse/partner to have only the positive traits so that I can finally get an adult version of

Insert unmet needs from section C

4. In my marriage/relationship I will sometimes tend to stop myself from getting these needs met by doing an adult version of these behaviors.

Insert responses from third column of section D


This worksheet, especially 3 and 4 really helped me see the cyclical pattern of my frustrations.  Also, I can see why I react/overreact so strongly when I feel like the things I need so badly are threatened.  Even if it’s just my perception.   I don’t know how much help it is in the moment, as I am currently in the midst of overreacting to something.  I can’t seem to talk myself out of it.


3 thoughts on “the strings that pull my heart – part 2

  1. Sara says:

    Ally, In time, with practice, I think you will find that on the one hand you’ll be over reacting but on the other you KNOW you are so you talk to yourself. That voice gets stronger with practice. It does not make the reactive or somewhat irrational feelings go away, but it balances things out. Sometimes it will mean you can go to your husband and say “When you did X, it triggered me feeling Y, and I realize that it’s not all you, that I have old feelings mixed in, but I am upset. Can we talk about it?” It can become, sometimes then, a discussion and acknowledgement and not a fight. Yes, very hard, and not always, but it’s doable! Sara

  2. jslittlelady says:

    I’ve been a little behind on reading but I was catching up today… I appreciated the work sheets. I actually didn’t write them down… I just did a quick mental of the one major issue to see if it would really work… freaked me out!!! LOL but after re reading and reading sara’s comments I think I’m going to ask J if he will do the worksheets with me and maybe help me use cdd for me to help conquer some of the bad responses (like withdrawing in the instance) . so thanks for posting them

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