don’t make me say it!

There are times when I can be too persevering for my own good.  The other night Brad and I had a little misunderstanding, a painful one for me.  I had sexted with him all day long… stirring the pot for both of us.  We were ready to go by the time the kids fell asleep.  We have two kids whose bedrooms are really close to ours.  I am getting increasingly paranoid about implements that make a lot of noise, and unfortunately it’s quiet ones that hurt the most.  I’d also like to say that like childbirth, after a while you forget how badly some things hurt.  I’d given a thumbs up on the 69¢ yardstick and the wood spoon.

I saw him bring the spoon in, I knew he’s use it at some point.  Still, that first whack is startling.  I almost jumped out of my skin.  I went into panic mode “wait wait wait… let me compose myself, I can’t, it hurts too bad!”   He let me breathe for like 10 seconds and I said “please please please, let me lay on your lap…”  He said ok and it kind of sounded like he felt sorry for me.  I should have worked with that….  I didn’t last too long before I was in freak out mode again.  As a general rule, I don’t cuss, but that thing makes me cuss.  Finally he switched to the yardstick and I was grateful.  It felt great after what I’d just been through, but it didn’t last for very long, I was still pretty squirmy.  He stood up and I asked him if he was done.  He said “yeah, did you still want more?” 

And then I made a very big mistake.  

“Are you giving up on me?” I asked.  I said it kind of teasingly… I didn’t want him to stop altogether just yet, but I certainly didn’t expect him to pick up the spoon again after all the hell I’d raised 5 minutes go.  He grabbed me around the waist and ignored my pleas to use something else.  Oh my, I thought I was going to lose my vision it hurt so much.  In my struggle I blurted this out “I’m going to have to use my safeword!”  But I didn’t use my safeword.  Actually, my safeword is safeword, I figured it would be easy to remember, stop laughing at me.  So technically I did say it, but I don’t think it counts here.  Regardless, two whacks later he let me go.  That is the closest I have ever come to using a safeword.  For some reason I have this stubborn attitude about it.  I really don’t know why, but that will have to change.  This is the third time I can think of that I really should have, for both of us.  It’s not fair to Brad to not let him know when I really need him to stop. 

When we talked about it afterward he told me that he thought I meant that I wanted to him spank me past that panicky feeling.  It was a misunderstanding.  There have been time when I have meant that, times that he’s delivered exactly what I needed.  This time was a learning experience.  I understand why he would think that was what I meant, and I was less than clear.  I’m grateful that he his intentions were good towards me, and I am especially thankful that we were able to talk about it afterward and there was no emotional fallout.

And now for some comic relief –  click on the picture if it’s too small to read


14 thoughts on “don’t make me say it!

  1. Sara says:

    Darn…that same old communication thing again! Glad you figured it out though!

  2. Ally,
    OH, MY! I think you have been a fly on the wall when we were engaged in a spanking. If JJ doesn’t give me a warm up, esp if he hasn’t spanked in awhile, I am off his lap in no time flat.

    Glad you were able to communicate and work through it without major bumps. The poor guys, always trying to read our minds. I am glad I’m not in a HOH shoes.


  3. cedeno says:

    Yeh, see I think it’s a testiment to you that you are even able to have that much communication about it. There is no such thing as a safeword for us. I think it’s funny you forgot. Getting old are we? LOL

    Yeh, next time, leave pride at the door or you will be sore!!!


    • Ally says:

      Kelly, Your the second person to mention pride to me after this post. I’ve been found out, guess I’ll have to give that up 🙂

  4. k's sweetie says:

    I just came upon your blog…love your stories and sense of humor…hope you don’t mind if I stop back by 🙂

  5. Ally, “too self preserving for my own good” describes me too – to a T! I think that “they” *know this* about us. It must be hard to navigate at times.

    H, also, has “gone for broke” and I have to hold back my annoyance at “that whole thing”. But then recently, I told him, “You know when I got to that point in the last spanking when I tried to get up b/c I really couldn’t take it any more? Well, I need you to get me past that. ”

    lol! Poor guys!

    I’m glad there was not emotional fall out after wards for you. What a positive step THAT is!
    Hugs – E

    • Ally says:

      Elysia, You said it exactly. It is a positive step to not have an emotional fallout over this… we just kind of dealt with it and moved on.

  6. Rich says:

    It’s the bottom or sub’s responsibility to learn to use their safeword when they need to. It’s very important because the top cannot always read your mind and cannot always tell from your actions when you are really over your limit.

    It can be very hard to do when you are in subspace. You might not be thinking clearly. But you still have to make it a priority to keep that one little bit of your mind clear enough to stop things when it needs to happen.

    I think it pays to set some clear triggers. Imagine, in advance, the specific emergencies that can arise and make a decision beforehand that in those cases you’ll automatically use your safeword and then figure out later if it was a good idea.

    It may also help to have a semi-safeword. I often tell subs that they can use a specific word to gain straight time. If they use that word they will be untied (if bound) and they will be given space to talk to me about what’s going on for them. If we then feel like going on, maybe with new boundaries, then that’s okay. If not, we can quit while we’re ahead.

    For times when they are bound and gagged, I usually give them something loud and heavy to hold in their hand. If they drop it, then that is a signal to let them loose so that we can have some straight time.

    Perhaps if you had this kind of softer safeword then you’d be more inclined to use it when you run into these kinds of situations. It would give you time to get your thoughts together and explain what isn’t working for you, or really to just figure out what that is.

  7. Ally says:

    Rich, Those are some great suggestions, thank you. I know I need to get over using the safeword. I have it in my head that he should just know if it’s really too much for me. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. I probably do need to spend some time thinking about what exactly is too much for me and what that looks like. Sometimes I’m not sure where the line is between too much and a threshold I’d like to get over.
    Thank you for your comment,

  8. Rich says:

    Ally, that doesn’t sound unusual at all. It’s easy to imagine that your partner will automatically fit your expectations. Then reality intervenes! I hope the suggestions help you out.

  9. Ally says:

    Rich, Yes, that pesky reality is always getting in my way 🙂

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