I’m an intensity junkie.  There, I said it.  I don’t mean that I want to go cliff diving, jump out of a plane, or jeopardize my life in any way.  I’m an emotional intensity junkie.  It affects the way I watch tv, listen to music, read books, and even the way I want my spankings.  I am strongly drawn to one hour dramas involving love and pain.  I want my music to pull out my feelings, whether it makes me feel really good or really sad, and I like it loud no matter what.  I can’t tolerate boring novels or boring subjects, I want to be in love with the characters or invested in the subject.  Even since I was young I’ve always picked a few friends that I had a strong connection with and built on that.  I did not bother with the girls who didn’t think about anything deeper than what they were wearing.  The paradox is that I’m attracted to those things that pull out the emotions that I’ve buried so deeply. 

I think this is partly why I am drawn to spanking.  Anticipating a spanking, that is for the most part a turn on, very sexual.  Being in the middle of a spanking, well, it becomes something else entirely.  I feel like I go round and round trying to figure out exactly what that is, and it is multiple things, not necessarily the same all at once.   For sure it is something the has the ability to pull forward strong emotions.  I value that because sometimes I don’t even know they are there.   They get stuck inside and my subconscious tries to ignore them.  For instance, we’ve had a couple intense issues with our kids lately.  They’ve been dealt with now and I’m not noticing that I feel stressed about it like I was, but I am grinding my teeth at night, my jaw is tight all day and I have lots of headaches.  So spanking, like exercise, relieves tension, physical and mental stress.  For it to work for me though it requires a certain level of intensity.  I’d rather not be spanked at all than for it not to hit the mark.  If it’s weak, it just leaves me feeling frustrated.  It’s like wrestling with problems and leaving them unresolved.  This is stuff Brad needs to know…


3 thoughts on “INTENSITY

  1. Sara says:

    Yep, it IS stuff Brad needs to know. I agree, spanking can bring out buried emotions, which is one reason it can be so powerful.

  2. cedeno says:

    Yeh, ok, seriously. Why is that? I don’t want a hard spanking, but I think I need one to really feel settled. I don’t want it! What is that about?

  3. Ally says:

    Sara – Brad just told me he still reads the blog… mission accomplished!

    cedeno – I have already written the post to answer (sort of) that very question 🙂 Stay tuned

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