this really sucks

Something I am very bad at is letting the people in my life in when things are bad.  My best friend is great, I can talk to her, but she is out of town right now.  I keep searching my mind but I really only want my own company.  If Brad were home, I wouldn’t mind his.   Thank you again, for the special comments left yesterday.  It’s such a blessing to have all your support, and at this time it’s the most accessible kind to me. 

My Dad called me last night.  Immediately I was suspicious, but I thought maybe he was just checking in since my mom is gone.  I could tell by the way he was tiptoeing  around words, carefully navigating with odd questions, that bad news was coming.  Then he tells me they took care of the internal bleeding (Grandpa’s) at the hospital.  I think he’s home now, I don’t remember.  Then he asks if I knew they were doing a biopsy on the tumor (which I was told was benign) that was removed earlier this week.  And then I knew…  He has an aggressive form of melanoma and has decided not to treat it.  I wouldn’t expect him to, he’s almost 90.  But good news, he’s in great spirits.  I tried to hold it together but I couldn’t, I walked out to the family room and tossed the phone to Brad so I could go back to my room and have a break down while I finished folding laundry.  This is my last living grandparent, my favorite grandparent.  I don’t even know what else to say.  I cried so hard and I started having this weird pressure/pain in the back of my head.  Brad came in and sat with me for a while.  He tried to be comforting, and he was, as much as was possible for me.  My head started to feel better, I calmed down and went to bed.  I guess this is part of life, I knew this time would come, it just came at a really bad time.

So here’s a message to the universe….That is it!  Do not throw anything else my way!

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3 thoughts on “this really sucks

  1. lil says:

    Oh Ally, I am so sorry. I’m getting familiar with this kind of loss in my own life and I know “sorry’ doesn’t make it better. But sometimes it’s nice just to know that you aren’t alone.
    I really hope the universe lightens up on you.
    Best to you and yours.
    hugs,
    lil

  2. Stormy says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry. That’s some very tough news to absorb. He is blessed to have you in his life. It’s clear he will be leaving a legacy of love behind, and that is probably his greatest wish and proudest accomplishment.

  3. cedeno says:

    Oh wow! That does suck. I’m so sorry. His soul is in good hands though!

    Hugs!

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