my arm hurts

 Sometimes I feel like God has a grip on my arm and is squeezing it and asking, does it hurt yet? can you take this much?  How about this much?  Squeezing harder…. can you take this much?  Don’t close your eyes cause I got something else for you!  Squeezing harder still…

Sooo…I know God isn’t out to get me.  Really.  I’m sure there is some amazing lesson to learn and I just can’t see it yet.  And there are a lot of other people out there in much worse circumstances than myself.  I shouldn’t whine.  And things are shakily on their way to getting better, maybe.  That’s the problem… I just don’t know where things are going bc very little of it is about my choices.  Brad is dealing with some major drug withdrawal, trying to get off pain pills altogether.  What does this look like at our house?  Well, he has barely slept in over a week.  And I mean there are nights when he is not sleeping at all.  He’s exhausted, worn down physically and emotionally.  All this is wearing on me too.  I am unsure when things will get better, if they will get better… and then what?   Never in a million years did I think this would be an issue in our lives.  The silver lining right now is that so far his back pain seems managable.  He just can’t sleep. 

So I am struggling with it all.  I’m struggling with my emotions.  I don’t want to shut down but I also feel like I’m being consumed by all that I am feeling.  I need some relief…. because my arm hurts.

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7 thoughts on “my arm hurts

  1. Mick says:

    I’m not sure about the cosmic lessons here, but I hope things get better soon at your house. I admire Brad for working to get free from the meds. Hang in just a little longer.

  2. greengirl says:

    Ally,
    I’m so, so sorry. Getting free of them is a good thing. It’s like the bear hunt though…Can’t go over it, can’t go under it, can’t go around it, have to go through it… Good luck for both of you.

  3. Serenity says:

    Ally,

    I’m sure this is a very scary thing to be going through. It seems so unfair really. I wish I knew something uplifting to say, but I don’t. I think here is a good place for you to “whine” (although that’s not really what it is) all you need to. It will help keep your strength up for the real world.

    Take care of yourself!

    *hugs*
    Serenity

  4. Sara says:

    Ally, I am so sorry you are going through all this. Sometimes life just seems to pile it on! I hope your pain eases, and I know Brad will soon be past the withdrawal stage. One day at a time, right? My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

  5. jslittlelady says:

    Ally,
    I”m sorry things are tough right now. I completely get what you’re saying though…… There’s been times I’ve been screaming mad at God “why” and he just wouldn’t let go til I broke down and cried…….I can’t tell you why things happen. Each of us has our own lesson to learn in it and through it. I just always remind myself what doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger. Sometimes it helps , sometimes it really doesn’t.

    *hugs*
    I hope there is some relief soon
    JLL

  6. Audra says:

    Ally,
    Hang in there! I’m going on my knees for you girl! So sorry you are going through this! Know that I am rooting for you!

    Hugs,
    Audra

  7. lil says:

    Anything to do with pain pills is, well, painful. My husband dislocated his shoulder a few years ago and they didn’t give him as much pain meds as he really could have used–but enough for him to feel like he really needed more. It was really hard because he couldn’t see that it wasn’t just the pain screwing with his head–it was the meds too. There was no sleep for him, or the closeness we had grown accustomed too. I felt disconnected and displaced, you name it, anything that begins with “dis.” I can only imagine having to go through withdrawal. Hang in there, things WILL get better.

    I hope you are both feeling better soon.

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