I don’t even know where to begin…. Monday I started a post about being in a rut. No spanking here, for a very long time. Sure there have been a couple 2-3 minute long swatting sessions right before sex. But no real, connecting, uncomfortable, physically, mentally and emotionally challenging spanking in a LONG time. There have been a lot of different barriers to this happening. I’ve been patient for the most part and finally the dry spell is over!
I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted it to shatter my walls, pull me to the ground, and take some weight off. I wanted it to be everything I needed and then some. I didn’t really know what that would look like, what exactly I needed, but I DID know that I was afraid it would fall short. That he would stop too soon, that it wouldn’t be enough, that I would be disappointed. I agree, those are some high expectations for a spanking. I knew that and I was in a dangerous spot, but there was nowhere else to go but move through it.
The closer we got to when we would be able to go back and start the more I didn’t want to take the risk of disappointment. That’s just how I am, but I forced myself to not try and wiggle out of it. Finally Brad told me we were going back to bed so I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I walked into the bedroom I saw that he’s laid out a number of things including the (attention-getting) dowel rod. In an ironic way, that helped ease my fears. He was showing up with the big guns.
After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence he told me to assume the position, over his lap. I was still fully clothed when I heard and then felt the swish of the dowel rod. I was surprised that he would start this way, I practically jumped of the bed. He basically told me to be quiet, so I settled in determined enjoy all this. Not long after all my clothes came off, along with that my nerves/emotions were quickly rising to the surface. I had so many thoughts and so many feelings swirling around in me that I was having trouble staying present. I started to cry a little, I was overwhelmed, relieved, and nervous all at the same time. It was a strange feeling, Brad noticed but he wisely let me leak out the tension while he continued to do his thing. I was grateful for that. He started using the paddles, and sometimes the dowel rod. It was starting to really sting and I was losing control of being still. I was very surprised that he chose to (and was already prepared to) tie my wrists together behind me and tie my legs up so I would no longer get in his way or slide off his lap. The last time he did that I had a really hard time with it. This time it was scary but I think I handled it gracefully.
In the end I was not disappointed, far from it. Only left wanting some more…. 🙂