Make it count

I’ve been sort of scrambling to catch up here…

As for now, times are a little rough at our house right now, but not the kind of rough that I am used to, and that may be a good thing.  It’s hard on me but at I am pretty stable emotionally, so that is a major plus.  Brad is really struggling with his back right now.  Sometimes it is better and other times it aches more.  His love/hate relationship with the pain pills is one we could all do without and it’s really straining our relationship.  I don’t have a lot of posts about sex, spanking, ttwd, or just us lately because…well, there is not much of an us right now.  I’m not mad, or sad really, mostly very very concerned.  When will this ever end or will this ever end?  I cannot live like this forever.  He cannot live like this forever.  We had a good talk about it tonight, we’ll see if it makes a difference.  I hope that I can help him in some way.  

Anyway, in the meantime, I am still working on me.  If you recall I started a project of coming up with some personal commandments, or my personal mission statement (list).  I felt that it was fundamentally important for number one to be “Be Ally”, and that was where the journaling came in, to find out more about who Ally really is.  So, I’ve been working on that, mildly enjoying that, but while that is going on I am finding more that I want to add to the list.  

#2. Make it count

Make what count?  Everything.  I could also have said “live in the moment”, “make good use of my time”, “be present, aware, mindful”, “learn from my experiences, other people, myself”.   “Make it count” just seems all encompassing but very clear at the same time.  So that’s my job…and it’s a tall order.  I am certain that having a blog makes this job easier though.  All of you that have blogs probably experience or have experienced the same thing that I do.  I am always analyzing everything, looking for blog topics, writing posts in my head for later even though I know most of them will never make it to the screen.  It’s great and I like to think that way, so the blogging is helpful with awareness.

The big thing though is I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time.   I don’t want to look back in ten years and realize that I didn’t use the time I had to learn and grow, to connect with people, to live.  I don’t want to wonder where the time went.  I want to spend my time not just doing things right, but doing the right things.  Hmm… I hope I can figure that out.  This is hard, and I struggle with perseverance… and I’ll leave it at that because that’s the topic for #3.

*BTW, if you have my blog in your google reader you may see an old post come up as new.  I think it was just my very first post that did that… I was changing the font color bc the old color didn’t work with the new blog look and when I updated it, well… you get the idea.  Hopefully, it will only happen with that one post but I updated quite a few.