So I have bought a new journal to journal in…it’s pretty and it’s colors and design represent me well. I picked it on purpose. It’s also attracted the attention of my five year old. Since I also have an 8 yr old who can read I’m going to have to find a better spot for it than my bedside table. The five year old can’t read or write yet but she wants one, so I will be giving her one of her for Christmas. She can color journal I guess.
I’ve been writing pages and pages every day and it’s been interesting. I’ve realized that I’ve had my defences up since sometime before Thanksgiving. While I’ve been sort of aware of it, I’ve refused to acknowledge it to myself because it’s just too damn hard. This has become a tough time of year when it never has been before (due to a death in the family last year at this time) and I’ve felt myself harden up a bit, bracing myself for the challenge. It’s just weird and I have no particular feeling to attach to it. There are a whole bunch of them, I’m sure that’s normal. Brad and I argued late last month. That sucked. Someone in my family took their dog to the pound without telling anyone because she was inconvenient to them. While that really has nothing to do with me, it felt like a loss. My parents are moving, 30 minutes farther away than they are now. I’m really trying to be positive about that, but it also brings tension. This is where I am going to take a deep breath, accept that this is the way things are, and let it go. There is nothing that I can do about any of those things. And I’ll just have to look at the positive things about the move. Now if I could just soften up a little bit and try to relax and enjoy the season.
Jouraling had also helped me sort out what is important for me/to me. For a long time I’ve been trying to come up with this mission statement for life, except more in bulletted simple statement form rather than paragraphs. I read another blog called “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin, she also wrote a book of the same title. Anyway she has a list of 12 personal commandments, and I really like that idea so I’m adopting that format. I have borrowed her first, which is Be Gretchen, only mine is Be Ally, obviously. It seems so fundamental to even be able to complete the list. So basically, I am journaling about whatever, it’s more like free writing, I’ve not used much structure because I don’t want to subconsciously hold anything back if I can help it. At the end of every entry I’m listing whatever personal points I have so far. I have some others, but I am still working them out. You’ll hear about them when I’m ready.
Despite what I mentioned earlier, I am actually feeling pretty positive right now. I’m looking forward to Christmas and spending time with the whole family.
Thanks for reading and