Something beautiful

    I hesitate to post this today, I wrote it last night.  I wrote it right before a much anticipated play time fell flat on it’s face.  Ok, so it happens, I’m going to pull my pants back up and expect a better outcome next time.  In the meantime, here is what I wrote yesterday. 

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I know I have been a little heavy on the songs lately…. feel free to skip over them if they bore you.

I live and breathe the songs that I love.  The songs that I really connect with on a personal level.  They bring out my emotions and I like that.  I listen to music all the time, in the car, when I’m cleaning, folding laundry….  There is this song by a Christian band, and it’s a great song.  I can’t help thinking of my husband and ttwd when I hear it.  Our “ttwd” is constantly evolving, and it’s become more meaningful to me in other areas.  Some trust issues (my own trust issues) are starting to dissolve as a result of some of what we have been doing.  Brad is pushing me in places that he can, and not pushing in places where I am not ready.  It is really really important that he knows the difference, or at least seeks to know the difference for me.  We’ve been doing some different things, I don’t know if I can talk about them at this point.  It’s not anything that would shock anyone, just very very personal and intimate.  When we do these things, and I survive, and it’s even beneficial, it goes a long way in bringing us together.  I feel safer to open up more the parts of me that I’ve been hiding for so long.  Each layer uncovered asks the questions “do you really care?”, “do you accept me for me?”, “will you not judge me”?  Those are hard questions to ask, especially when you are not sure about how you would answer to yourself all the time.  I do think that I have come a long way this past year as far as trusting myself, my instincts, my own judgements.  But every once in a while something triggers raging insecurity, and that’s when I have to work on being nicer to myself.  Wow, I got totally off topic.  Anyway, if you’ve stuck with me this long, you may as well listen to this awesome song, and I’ve included the lyrics for you.

Something Beautiful

In your ocean I’m ankle deep
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
I can’t figure out
No, I can’t figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your wave crashes over me
There’s only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown
Will you let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I’m in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side
No I can’t leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I’m in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn’t live like this                                                                                                                                                                                                I wouldn’t stop until I found somethng beautiful                                                                                                                                                                        But when I wake up,  and all I want, I have                                                                                                                                                                                  You know it’s still all I need- something beautiful

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6 thoughts on “Something beautiful

  1. Sara says:

    Wow Ally, for someone who got “way off topic” I think you are really very much ON topic, bc I think TTWD is in the last analysis mostly about trust and love, and how we can lower our walls and better accept ourselves and each other. I am so glad to hear of good things evolving!

  2. Ally, music and song lyrics speak to me as well, so I can totally relate to that part. The words to the song are quite beautiful, but I don’t know it. Perhaps you could tell me where I can hear it.
    You said; “Brad is pushing me in places that he can, and not pushing in places where I am not ready. It is really really important that he knows the difference, or at least seeks to know the difference for me.”
    This is so true, and things feel great when they get it right. But when they don’t, we have to accept their mistakes and communicate how we feel when it does. Hopefully that’s what happened for you here. To me, ttwd’s most wonderful part is when he’s “seeking to find out”. For us, this is a better place to be as a couple, even when things fall flat. I like for H to acknowledge my feelings, wants, needs and desires. Hopefully the next time works better for you both.

    • Ally says:

      Elysia, if you click on the title of the song in my post it takes you to a place that automatically will play the song. You can also google the title, the band is Need to Breathe.

  3. Cool! I did that. I really like the song, thanks Ally. I need to listen to current music more, I’m missing out!

  4. s. says:

    As one who has horrid Fall allergies (no taste, smell, or breathing for that matter), I can feel for your hubby.

    As for songs, I too am one who is often touched deeply by lyrics. It helps to feel that someone else has been through something similar to what we are feeling, and in the intensity felt the need to make it come ‘alive’ in a song.

    s.

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