Love Our Lurkers Day V

Oct, 21, 2010

It’s that time of year again… the leaves are falling, the air is crisp, and love our lurker’s day is today!  I love to hear from readers, but there may be some of you out there who have never let me know you are there.  I would love to hear from you anytime, and especially today.  So please, please, please at least say “hi”, it would make my day.  Come on… you know you want to…..  🙂

Thanks in advance and have a great day!

Advertisements

love and coffee in the morning

Brad gave up coffee about a month ago so he could test whether it was part of the cause his restless leg syndrome that has been plaguing his sleep for years.  Fortunately (and unfortunately, because who wants to give up coffee?) it has done wonders for his sleep, he is doing so much better.  But now I have a small dilemma.  Brad has always made the coffee for us.  Always.  I don’t even have to think about it, it just shows up in morning conveniently right before I wake up.  He would get it ready in the morning the day before, before he even left for work.  The timer on the coffee maker took care of the rest.  

Since he wasn’t drinking coffee anymore he left it to me to deal with my own caffeine habit.   I don’t blame him, if you can’t have it yourself, why torture yourself.  The problem is Brad makes coffee that tastes good to me.  I however, do not.  He told me the coffee to water ratio but for some reason it just didn’t taste the same.  I gave up and restarted my McDonald’s ice coffee habit, that stuff is dangerous.  A few weekends ago Brad broke down and started going out to get decaf in the morning.  It wasn’t practical for us to go out for coffee everyday so I bought some decaf to make at home.  I just drank decaf with him, effectively giving me zombie status the rest of the day.  Brad couldn’t even handle the small amount of caffeine in his system from what little amount is in decaf, so I was left coffeeless again.  Your probably thinking, “Ally, are you so lazy that you can’t be bothered to make your own coffee?”  Well, no, but I would forget, I’d have to make it in the morning when I woke up, and also it tasted like crap.  I wasn’t enjoying it, what is the point? 

The point of this whole story is coming…I promise.  On Monday morning I woke up, walked into the kitchen and Brad tells me he just made coffee for me.  It was decaf but he still earned best husband on earth award from me.  And then he set it up for the next day, with regular coffee!!  AND THEN… I made more that afternoon for iced coffee and he set it up again, without even saying a word about it.  So the point of my post is – wow, isn’t that SO sweet?  He might as well be bringing me roses and chocolate everyday for all it means to me.  It’s so nice to have good coffee in the morning.  Thanks Brad, your the best!!!

it takes two

It definately takes two to make things go right.  Things didn’t go well the other night for us for a few reasons.  For one thing, Brad is not feeling his best right now.  He gets sinus infections in the fall like nobody’s business.  He had one coming a few nights ago, he’s on antibiotics now and hopefully he will feel better soon.  The other problem was that I was the one who wanted playtime together, he just wasn’t into it.  It left me feeling a little disappointed.  If I was getting some more regular action I might not feel so put out.  As it is, I feel a little neglected.  I’m trying REALLY REALLY hard to be patient, to not be annoyed.  The poor guy can’t help it if he gets sick.  But I am stressed, I feel down, and I’m restless and irritable.   Maybe a long walk will help, or this…

Something beautiful

    I hesitate to post this today, I wrote it last night.  I wrote it right before a much anticipated play time fell flat on it’s face.  Ok, so it happens, I’m going to pull my pants back up and expect a better outcome next time.  In the meantime, here is what I wrote yesterday. 

_____________________________________________________

I know I have been a little heavy on the songs lately…. feel free to skip over them if they bore you.

I live and breathe the songs that I love.  The songs that I really connect with on a personal level.  They bring out my emotions and I like that.  I listen to music all the time, in the car, when I’m cleaning, folding laundry….  There is this song by a Christian band, and it’s a great song.  I can’t help thinking of my husband and ttwd when I hear it.  Our “ttwd” is constantly evolving, and it’s become more meaningful to me in other areas.  Some trust issues (my own trust issues) are starting to dissolve as a result of some of what we have been doing.  Brad is pushing me in places that he can, and not pushing in places where I am not ready.  It is really really important that he knows the difference, or at least seeks to know the difference for me.  We’ve been doing some different things, I don’t know if I can talk about them at this point.  It’s not anything that would shock anyone, just very very personal and intimate.  When we do these things, and I survive, and it’s even beneficial, it goes a long way in bringing us together.  I feel safer to open up more the parts of me that I’ve been hiding for so long.  Each layer uncovered asks the questions “do you really care?”, “do you accept me for me?”, “will you not judge me”?  Those are hard questions to ask, especially when you are not sure about how you would answer to yourself all the time.  I do think that I have come a long way this past year as far as trusting myself, my instincts, my own judgements.  But every once in a while something triggers raging insecurity, and that’s when I have to work on being nicer to myself.  Wow, I got totally off topic.  Anyway, if you’ve stuck with me this long, you may as well listen to this awesome song, and I’ve included the lyrics for you.

Something Beautiful

In your ocean I’m ankle deep
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
I can’t figure out
No, I can’t figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your wave crashes over me
There’s only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown
Will you let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I’m in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side
No I can’t leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I’m in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn’t live like this                                                                                                                                                                                                I wouldn’t stop until I found somethng beautiful                                                                                                                                                                        But when I wake up,  and all I want, I have                                                                                                                                                                                  You know it’s still all I need- something beautiful

I’m sick, spank me please?

First things first, Love Our Lurker’s Day is just around the corner.  If you don’t know what that is, especially if you are a blogger, you should go check out Bonnie’s post at My Bottom Smarts.  It’s a fun event that you may want to participate in as a blogger and/or a reader.  

Now my post:

My little girl has a cold, my son has allergies, and now tonight my head feels really funny.  That weird feeling you get along with muscles aches and you’re sure you are about to get sick.  I will start to feel like that if I am over tired, over stressed, or when I am actually getting sick.  Usually I can head it off by taking a hot bath and going to bed early.  I haven’t had an actual cold in a long time.  It’s funny to me how at these times of personal weakness I desire things that I normally associate with the opposite of what you’d expect.  Activities that bring on excitement, nervousness, sexual tension, energy, pain, and they end in exhaustion.  I’m thinking of spanking, some types of play, and especially that thing that he does that I have a love/hate feeling about (although I might be starting to enjoy it).  Lately, at the times that I feel physically down, I’m craving some very specific things from Brad.  So why would I be wanting to put my body through more physical stress?     Well, I mentioned the exhaustion, and while wearing out my body even further might seem like a poor idea, stressed out exhaustion and tension-relieved exhaustion are totally different feelings.  The first leaves you anxious and the second is dreamy and soothing.  Spanking almost always leaves me feeling relaxed, and the whole ordeal of the night brings out love and connectedness between us.   Then there is that thing he does…it brings out submissive feelings that seem to over ride my thought processes.  It’s hard to explain, and yet I have a feeling a lot of you know what I am talking about.  What he does, it makes him gentle but poweful, it makes me struggle to accept but completely surrender.  I feel certain things less and other things more.  I’m lost now, what was I even talking about?  Oh yeah, just going to say that is one of the things I cautiously desire, even when I’m not feeling so hot.  All of it brings some sort of comfort.  Chicken soup….no thanks, but I’ll take a spanking.

dominant texting

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, for some reason the longer I wait, the harder it gets to write.  I actually don’t have a lot going on except being extremely busy with the daily grind.  Wake up – coffee- take kid to school – clean/errands/whatever – pick up kid from school- help with homework – make dinner – workout/walk/relax a little – go to bed and repeat.   I’ve been keeping up with blogs I read but I haven’t been thinking a whole lot about ttwd.  Unfortunately, sex and kink have taken a back burner lately to all things vanilla.  Imagine my surprise when I get a text this morning from Brad saying I should be expecting some “aggressively dominant” messages.   I wondered exactly what that might mean and thanked him for the warning.  I’m not sure what I was expecting but at the first text those old familiar butterflies made themselves known.  Second text, butterflies multiplied.  It’s been a while since we’ve done this and I felt/feel uneasy and nervous.   Brad’s not saying anything that you’d be surprised to read on any spanking blog,  I am just not used to him being so..umm…forward.  He also asked, sorry, strongly insisted that I call him sir.  He doesn’t ask for that often and it feels so awkward to say/type it.  It makes me feel vulnerable, but maybe that’s the point. 

Then he said something that started to freak me out a little bit.  (This is actually playing it’s self out while I’m writing this post.)  I did the brave thing and told him that he was starting to scare me.  What happened next was music to my ears, he said just what I needed to hear.  He said that he understood why I felt that way but if I would just trust him he would take care of me.  He doesn’t normally say stuff like that… so I am glad he did, it makes me feel safer. 

He also said “good girl”, which never fails to send shivers up and down my body.  That phrase is almost as delicious as a playful “bad girl”, don’t you think?  😉  

I sure hope the kids sleep deeply tonight….