perfect nights and expectations

Last week I hurt my back some how, I’m not really sure what happened other than it had started to ache for a couple of days and instead of going away like it usually does it got worse.  I ended up laying down for two days and that got me through and I am almost back to normal now.  The day after I was up again and it was still hurting a little I had taken a muscle relaxer.  It seemed like every time I moved a certain way the muscles in my lower back would start spasming.  While it wasn’t particularly painful it felt funny and would stop me in my tracks.  It felt like I couldn’t move without falling down.  This post isn’t about my back, but that is what was going on with me on the night in question. 

At the end of a long day I was feeling emotionally exhausted and vulnerable.  I was also feeling tense and anxious so I asked Brad for a good spanking.  Good spankings leave me very relaxed (afterwards) and I tend to sleep very well on those nights.  We had just taken and hot shower together, for my back, nothing happened in there, I promise!  I was already starting to feel more settled and loosened up.  Brad was equally interested in my spanking request so I pulled out the leather paddle and tossed it to him.  I just happened to be closer to the implements at the time…  He sat on the bed so I could gingerly lay myself across his lap and get comfortable.  He started massaging my shoulders, arms, all the way down my back, my legs… he’s soooo good at that. I could float away just thinking about it.  I started breathing deeply and every time I exhaled I was melting into the bed more and more.  He started spanking with his hand, warming me up.  As it got harder I was tensing up a little and then he would start massaging again.  We went through a couple rounds of that ans he used the paddle after a while.  Then he did something that I have a love/hate relationship with.  I’m not going to describe it (it’s not what you’re thinking) but I’ll talk about how it made me feel.  It’s not something that happens often, probably because I give mixed signals about it.  Even though the muscle relaxer and massaging and spanking had me feeling very dreamy at this point I was very preoccupied with analyzing what was going on at this point.  Our D/s dynamic has been pushed to the side lately with all the stuff going on… I’ve been missing its potency in our daily lives, the general feel of it.  As he started doing what he was doing it startled me, and at first I started to resist. He gently put his hand on my back very softly said “you’re ok”.  Hmmm…how do I say this… Brad is not often gentle and soft….and it totally melted me.  I probably would have let him do anything to me after that. 

The whole rest of the time we were interacting, I was thinking about what was happening.  He probably didn’t realize it, and I just gave you a small piece of what happened, but it was a great submission exercise for me.  The way he handled it all really helped me grow in trust and it brought us closer together.  

As for expectations, a week later I was hoping for a repeat.  I’ve learned that you cannot recreate moments like that, and if you try you will be disappointed.  And that’s ok…I don’t think it’s something you can plan, you can only be available.



16 thoughts on “perfect nights and expectations

  1. Awww, I feel all squishy inside now! What a sweetie! I really think that spanking can bring out their gentle, sweet, attentive and caring side. Who’da thunk it?

  2. mouse says:


    You’re right you can’t likely recreate moments like that, but you can create different moments that are just as important.

    Sorry about the back troubles, and hope it feels better soon!


    • Ally says:

      mouse, Thanks, my back is feeling much much better already, I am being very careful with it. Your right, about the creating different moments. Thanks.

  3. SugarAnne says:

    ooh, now I have a real curiosity about that love/hate relationship. But I won’t ask. This is clearly one of those times when the emotional, sexual and therapeutic come together in a culmination of perfect bliss, and leaves you strangely satisfied and wanting more at the same time. There’s nothing more warm and comforting when body aches seem to melt away, and a new level of submission takes the place of hesitance. We all yearn for these moments.


    • Ally says:

      SugarAnne, Maybe the love/hate relationship description was to intense. It’s more of a curiosity/unease combination. Ah well, some things are too intimate to share 🙂 It was a very satisfying evening and I definately want more.

  4. greengirl says:

    I’m just really, really happy for you.

  5. Sara says:

    That’s really nice! No, you cannot recreate them, but I think they can and do become part of the repertoire, most especially if you communicate to him the good stuff about how it all made you feel.

    • Ally says:

      Sara, It has most definately been communicated to him, good feelings and all. I hope that there are many more emotionally significant nights to come.

  6. s. says:

    I love it when R does something that I kinda don’t want and will resist and he just gently guides me along anyway.

    Gentle dominance. ~swooooon~

    Hope your back feels better.


  7. Ronniesoul says:

    You can never create a special time like that, shame I know.

    Hope your back is better today Ally.


  8. Poppy says:

    That was lovely to read and made me a bit sighy and a bit squirmy. What you wrote reminded me very much of interactions I have with Himself.

    As for the back, when you can, walk. I have a terrible lower back. I go to a chiropractor about three times a year and use ice when it starts to play up. The problem with backs is that they get very sore and then they stiffen and then you end up on your back for weeks. Been there, hated it. You have total sympathy.

  9. Hi Ally, I hope this gap in blogging is all for good reasons. I look forward to knowing what is happening between you and Brad. You left us on a good note, bad back. Just was down for several days myself – not fun. I’m so happy to see that you feel you can trust him. You may not have that moment ever again, but I know you’re following ones can be even better bc you are both building from the one you had experienced. It can get exponetially better. Here’s to hoping that is happening as I type! KayLynn

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