Last week I hurt my back some how, I’m not really sure what happened other than it had started to ache for a couple of days and instead of going away like it usually does it got worse. I ended up laying down for two days and that got me through and I am almost back to normal now. The day after I was up again and it was still hurting a little I had taken a muscle relaxer. It seemed like every time I moved a certain way the muscles in my lower back would start spasming. While it wasn’t particularly painful it felt funny and would stop me in my tracks. It felt like I couldn’t move without falling down. This post isn’t about my back, but that is what was going on with me on the night in question.
At the end of a long day I was feeling emotionally exhausted and vulnerable. I was also feeling tense and anxious so I asked Brad for a good spanking. Good spankings leave me very relaxed (afterwards) and I tend to sleep very well on those nights. We had just taken and hot shower together, for my back, nothing happened in there, I promise! I was already starting to feel more settled and loosened up. Brad was equally interested in my spanking request so I pulled out the leather paddle and tossed it to him. I just happened to be closer to the implements at the time… He sat on the bed so I could gingerly lay myself across his lap and get comfortable. He started massaging my shoulders, arms, all the way down my back, my legs… he’s soooo good at that. I could float away just thinking about it. I started breathing deeply and every time I exhaled I was melting into the bed more and more. He started spanking with his hand, warming me up. As it got harder I was tensing up a little and then he would start massaging again. We went through a couple rounds of that ans he used the paddle after a while. Then he did something that I have a love/hate relationship with. I’m not going to describe it (it’s not what you’re thinking) but I’ll talk about how it made me feel. It’s not something that happens often, probably because I give mixed signals about it. Even though the muscle relaxer and massaging and spanking had me feeling very dreamy at this point I was very preoccupied with analyzing what was going on at this point. Our D/s dynamic has been pushed to the side lately with all the stuff going on… I’ve been missing its potency in our daily lives, the general feel of it. As he started doing what he was doing it startled me, and at first I started to resist. He gently put his hand on my back very softly said “you’re ok”. Hmmm…how do I say this… Brad is not often gentle and soft….and it totally melted me. I probably would have let him do anything to me after that.
The whole rest of the time we were interacting, I was thinking about what was happening. He probably didn’t realize it, and I just gave you a small piece of what happened, but it was a great submission exercise for me. The way he handled it all really helped me grow in trust and it brought us closer together.
As for expectations, a week later I was hoping for a repeat. I’ve learned that you cannot recreate moments like that, and if you try you will be disappointed. And that’s ok…I don’t think it’s something you can plan, you can only be available.