perfect nights and expectations

Last week I hurt my back some how, I’m not really sure what happened other than it had started to ache for a couple of days and instead of going away like it usually does it got worse.  I ended up laying down for two days and that got me through and I am almost back to normal now.  The day after I was up again and it was still hurting a little I had taken a muscle relaxer.  It seemed like every time I moved a certain way the muscles in my lower back would start spasming.  While it wasn’t particularly painful it felt funny and would stop me in my tracks.  It felt like I couldn’t move without falling down.  This post isn’t about my back, but that is what was going on with me on the night in question. 

At the end of a long day I was feeling emotionally exhausted and vulnerable.  I was also feeling tense and anxious so I asked Brad for a good spanking.  Good spankings leave me very relaxed (afterwards) and I tend to sleep very well on those nights.  We had just taken and hot shower together, for my back, nothing happened in there, I promise!  I was already starting to feel more settled and loosened up.  Brad was equally interested in my spanking request so I pulled out the leather paddle and tossed it to him.  I just happened to be closer to the implements at the time…  He sat on the bed so I could gingerly lay myself across his lap and get comfortable.  He started massaging my shoulders, arms, all the way down my back, my legs… he’s soooo good at that. I could float away just thinking about it.  I started breathing deeply and every time I exhaled I was melting into the bed more and more.  He started spanking with his hand, warming me up.  As it got harder I was tensing up a little and then he would start massaging again.  We went through a couple rounds of that ans he used the paddle after a while.  Then he did something that I have a love/hate relationship with.  I’m not going to describe it (it’s not what you’re thinking) but I’ll talk about how it made me feel.  It’s not something that happens often, probably because I give mixed signals about it.  Even though the muscle relaxer and massaging and spanking had me feeling very dreamy at this point I was very preoccupied with analyzing what was going on at this point.  Our D/s dynamic has been pushed to the side lately with all the stuff going on… I’ve been missing its potency in our daily lives, the general feel of it.  As he started doing what he was doing it startled me, and at first I started to resist. He gently put his hand on my back very softly said “you’re ok”.  Hmmm…how do I say this… Brad is not often gentle and soft….and it totally melted me.  I probably would have let him do anything to me after that. 

The whole rest of the time we were interacting, I was thinking about what was happening.  He probably didn’t realize it, and I just gave you a small piece of what happened, but it was a great submission exercise for me.  The way he handled it all really helped me grow in trust and it brought us closer together.  

As for expectations, a week later I was hoping for a repeat.  I’ve learned that you cannot recreate moments like that, and if you try you will be disappointed.  And that’s ok…I don’t think it’s something you can plan, you can only be available.



hmmm…. part 2

Black strap molasses…just another (disgusting) ingredient my husband is downing for his health.  I admire his resolve, it looks like sludge to me.  I’ve tried it (once), and at first it smells and tastes a bit like black licorice, which I really like, but it quickly made me feel like I might throw up.  I did manage to drink it mixed into a few ounces of warm water.  Seriously, I felt nauseous for about 24 hours.  The positive is that, hey, it’s really good for you!  Go ahead and google it, I’ll wait….  My husband had been reading a lot on a particular website called, in case anyone is interested.  There are a lot of interesting testimonials there also.  Some even said that their gray hairs disappeared.  The best news – you can get it in capsule form.

things that make you go…hmmm? part 1

Raise your hand if you have ever drank vinegar…..  That’s what I thought, who would do that willingly?  Because eww, it is so disgusting.  Apparently lots of people do… and Brad has been reading about all the amazing things that apple cider vinegar can do for someone.  Specifically for Brad, it seems to have cured the jumpy twitchy muscle thing that has been making him miserable for years.  I almost can’t believe it.  He has been searching and searching, been to every kind of doctor you can imagine, scoured the internet for years, I mean YEARS!  I’ve heard of people taking it in pill form as a supplement for weight loss, but not really for anything else.  It will detox your body, balance your body’s pH levels, and break down fat.  Oh, and extra bonus, his sex drive has shot through the roof.  Although that is probably just be bc he’s actually getting some sleep now.  He says he’s not felt this good in a long time.  Since the first night that Brad started taking it (2 tbs at a time) he’s been sleeping great.  It’s been about 5 nights now.  If you know what we’ve been through with him and his lack of being able to sleep it is nothing short of a miracle.  Seriously.

Have anyone else ever tried taking apple cider vinegar?

ps.  He dilutes it with a little bit of water.  I tried it straight once and may as well have been pouring pure alcohol down my throat, it burned so bad.  I have put it in orange juice (1 tbs in about 6 oz) and I can barely taste it.

spanking needed

 I felt very similar to the way Elysia has been talking about last week.  It had been several weeks since any kind of spanking and I was feeling quite needy.  I also hesitate to ask when my guy has got other difficult things going on.  I’m beginning to get that it’s nice, but doesn’t do a whole lot for us.  I posted about my need one day last week.  Because I’d let my feelings get to far without saying anything, because I was too miserable, it became an argument instead and I was mad instead of spanked. 

Brad was trying to fix the situation and started barking orders at me to get back to our room.  Ummm… at that point it was starting to seem less like fun and more like… a serious spanking, from someone I was just arguing with.  No thanks.  So like any intelligent girl, I flat-out refused.  I really don’t like the rude tone he uses sometimes and honestly, my feelings were hurt and I felt neglected.  However, refusal doesn’t EVER get me anywhere and I shouldn’t have done it.  He wasn’t going to wrestle with me, nor was he going to be sweet and attentive all of a sudden.  The end….for a while anyway.

Several days later we had worked things out.  Saturday night we were settling down to watch a movie, the kids were in bed and asleep.  He sat down next to me and stealthfully lured (pulled) me over his lap.  He’d been touching my butt  and whispering sweet dominant comments in my ear all evening so I wasn’t too surprised.  I melted into his lap and settled in for some intimate business.  He pulled my panties down along with my shorts and started spanking, very, very lightly. 

Ahhh…so relaxing. 

And then…WHACK.  (What?  What just happened here?) 

“Remember the other day when I told you to go back to the bedroom and you said no?”  (Oh crap, really?  That’s what this is about? Not good…)

“Uhhh… yes” I said. 

There was more of the same, but not for very long.  It’s been so long since I’ve had a hard spanking and it hurt a lot.  I was squirming right away.  I tend to get very worked up during that kind of spanking.  I’m not loud like some people, but I kind of wish I could be.  Instead I whine and whimper and the rest of my energy automatically comes out in physical struggle.   I try so hard to stay still, but my body DOES NOT listen to me.  When my body realizes it isn’t going anywhere my breathing rates increases to about 100x’s it normal speed. It must be a reaction to not being in control of my body or feeling trapped.  It had gotten better for a while and now it’s worse than before.  It’s not that big of a deal, it’s just weird while it’s happening.  Anyway, after that he said it was over and it was back to the fun stuff.

This was an isolated discipline event, given that we haven’t really had the conversation yet about getting back to DD.  It’s coming, I’ve been preparing for it, because it’s that important.  It’s important that we are on the same page first, about everything.  So we are getting there…

all alone and loving it

I am so excited, tonight I will be all ALONE.  Brad is taking the kids camping for one night and the dog and I get to stay home.  I feel like a little kid who just was told they could eat all the chocolate cake they wanted.  For those of you who don’t understand my glee, imagine constant interruption during everything you do, lots of noise always, breaking up fights between siblings several times a day, cooking for children who hate everything you make, and cleaning so that it can be messed up again 10 minutes later.  Nah, it’s not as bad as it sounds, and I wouldn’t trade it, but it sure is nice to have 14-16 hours of peace and quiet and time to do whatever I want, and some uninterrupted sleep. 

I plan to: 

run a few errands                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

pick up a salad from Panera for dinner

rent a girly movie that Brad would never want to watch

read during a long hot bath

paint my toe nails while I watch my movie

get plenty of sleep

and go rollerblading with my dog in the morning

In addition, a (more thoughtful and unrelated) post to come on being alone.  If I don’t commit to it now I won’t ever write it.  So there, now I have to… maybe… ok, we’ll see.

needing special attention

I am wound up tighter  than a spring these days and very very moody.  This is me 🙂  😦  🙂  🙂 😦 😦 😦 🙂

I don’t think I’ve been spanked for ANY reason since July 15th, the last time I posted about it…very unusual.  There has been a lot of activity around here lately, and that is part of why, we are both busy or tired or both.  I’ve been extra tired because I have been working overtime to not let my moodiness turn into rudeness.  I do pretty well most of the time anyway.  I’m hoping tonight is the night, I need it badly.   

I think some sexting is in order…