the weekend

It was an interesting weekend for Brad and I.  Since last Wed night Brad went off of one pain killer and on to a less effective one.  He is trying to get off them all together.  He didn’t expect the withdrawal that he was going to experience, the worst of it being not being able to sleep.  This out of control feeling for him, it makes him feel particularly vulnerable, he constantly wavers in his mind about what he should be doing, how he should be doing it.  I feel for him, I know what it’s like to get off of a drug that you feel dependant on and what some of those physical symptoms do to you.  He asked me for a lot of help and support this weekend, which I am all too happy to give him.  It’s a mixed bag of feelings though, I am so happy to see him getting away from painkillers, it’s nice to hear him opening up more to me about what he is going through, but hard to see him so miserable at the same time.  No one looks good after being awake and anxious for 48 hours.  The third night he finally got some much needed sleep. 

There were a few big moments this weekend during all this craziness.  Friday night I made him a hot bath to soak in so he could relax.  I sat in the bathroom and talked to him during this time and he said two very important things that were music to my ears.

“I am definitely more aware of what is going on in the house now”    and

“my brain feels so much more awake, I don’t feel so zoned out anymore” 

What was it about these statements that were so important?  First I thought, “Yes!  I am NOT crazy…” There have been times that I’ve wondered about what happened to the person that I married.  It was still him, but he’s been a very muted version of himself.  It amazes me sometimes that we were able to start ttwd last year.  In some ways I think that it kept him going in that he had something else in his life other than the health issue he was dealing with.  Regardless, painkillers were affecting the whole family’s quality of life and I am glad to see them go.  It gives me a lot of hope in some areas.  It’s really difficult, and probably stupid, to fully trust someone hooked on pain meds.  Him giving them up eases some of my trust concerns.  That could be a whole post on it’s own, but I’m not going to write about that now.

Depending on your perspective, painkillers can be a blessing or a curse for sex.  At first it was really fun to be having sex for 30-40 minutes at a time.  However, the human body, or at least mine, was not designed to have sex for that long.  It becomes painful and exhausting for both of us, not that it kept us from still doing it.   Needless to say we had a nice weekend with lots of quickie sex.  He’s very lucky that all the sexual energy that was missing in my 20’s is overflowing now.

I also got the spanking I was hoping for Sat. night, although my pain tolerance is still making me feel like such a wimp.  It’s hard to be satisfied when you’ve had enough in under 3 minutes.  I’ve tried to talk to Brad about warm ups but as most of you know if you mention a warm up right before your guy is starting it’s not typically well received.  It’s ok, it’s just going to take more practice.   I can handle that… 

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9 thoughts on “the weekend

  1. Sir J says:

    this was an important step for you both and a hopeful post. It was nice to read.

  2. Ally I’m so glad for Brad to want to get off the pain meds, for seeing the positives and for his telling you. That had to be a hard thing admitting to himself, then to you. How validating for you. We’ve talked many times about how validation is sanity. The only drawback as I see it is that his vigilance could be taken up a notch, in essence, you’d best be prepared for that & simultaneoulsy send him lots of how to’s on warm ups! If he’s doing this for you, he needs to understand what works for you (I say this like everything’s happening that way at my house mind you … ahem….)

  3. Ally, as weak as Brad has been, I think it shows much courage, determination and self discipline to get off pain meds, especially since the side effects aren’t so great either. I’m sure you see that, and you know at least you’re all heading back to normal. Sounds like you two are enjoying some fringe benefits too! Woo-hoo!

  4. greengirl says:

    I had been hoping this would start to be possible. I’m really glad – for both of you.

  5. Ally says:

    Sir J, It really was, you have no idea how happy I am to see some sort of end in sight to the painkillers. I am feeling very hopeful that things can get back to normal or better.

    Kaylynn, We’ll see about the sanity. As for vigilance, well, we could use a little bit more of that around here, and it’s hard for me to have a clear head about spanking since I’m craving it constantly right now. I think I’d be willing to take just about anything, painful or not 🙂 I’ll have to remember to mention warm ups sooner than right before a spanking.

    Elysia, We are definately enjoying the benefits! Hopefully it won’t be too hard on him, but so far it’s been a struggle. At least it’s a struggle we expected and he’s doing exceptionally well.

    Greengirl, Thank you, it’s been great to have you to talk to and listen, thanks for all your support.

  6. Sara says:

    I am very happy and hopeful for the both of you Ally!

  7. Mick says:

    I admire Brad for getting off some of the pain medication and I can relate to that feeling of waking up.

  8. Ally says:

    Thanks Mick, I am sure he would appreciate that.

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