where are we going from here?

Since it’s been a year it might be a good time to take stock of where I am now.  Quite a bit more spanking experienced than I was a year ago, and happily so.  I’m still in this weird place of not being sure of what I want most of the time.  I didn’t start that way.  I started as a spanking starved maniac who couldn’t get enough and was there for a while.  Then there were lulls in the need/want and now a bit of spanking multiple personalities.  They seem to pop up whenever they feel like it and sometimes they are playing musical chairs.  There are days when Brad is at work and all I can think about is spanking and can’t wait for night to come, and I think I’d even not mind the wood spoon coming out.  In my mind for a moment the wood spoon is a source of pleasure.  Ha ha ha… Then night comes, the kids are asleep and all of sudden I am tired, I wouldn’t dream of mentioning anything about a spoon, nor do I even feel like a spanking any more.  If Brad is in the mood, and wants to play I will with some ambivalence.  I can usually get in the mood pretty quickly.  I don’t know if my pain tolerance has dropped, or if his technique is better, but I can barely take a hand spanking anymore.  It HURTS, too much to be fun.  What happened to enjoying the hurting?  Instead it just starts to make me mad and it’s hard to be turned on when your mad.  It used to be that it couldn’t be hard enough, he had a hard time hitting my tolerance threshold, and now it’s the opposite.  It must be so confusing for him when I am constantly changing my mind and body reactions.  When we are just playing he really does want me to enjoy it, not get mad.  Oh well, I guess it keeps things interesting. 

Brad has also brought up bringing back maintainance type spanking into our lives.  He feels like it keeps me level, happier, nicer.  He wants to do it once a week, which seems reasonable.  I feel some ambivalence about this too.  We’ve made some progress lately, so I’d like to give him what he wants, I just want to go slow and make sure it’s beneficial for us.  I am trusting my own judgment more now, I think that makes me feel safer to trust him with decisions like this…  But I don’t see myself not having a level of awareness that watches out for myself.  What is it that guys want?  Do they want their wives to trust them and not question them, do they want us to trust them and offer opinions, trust but be watchful?  What does it mean for an imperfect person to trust someone who is also not perfect?  Your thoughts please….

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5 thoughts on “where are we going from here?

  1. BabyMan says:

    I love those questions Ally. I recently declared a “Submission Day” for Sugar and was compelled to ask myself those same types of questions: What do I want? I mean, if she’s willing to submit, and I’m bringing her into submission, exactly what would I want from her? What would I want her to be? How would I want her to respond to me?

    I decided that I want Sugar to trust me and not question me. Except, I want her to question me because it always produces valuable insight and information when I make decisions.

    And I certainly don’t want Sugar to be charmingly flippant and smart alecky. I just want her to be herself. Except, charmingly flippant and a little bit smart alecky is who she is and, frankly, it IS quite charming.

    I, personally, want to be perfect. That’s my role: perfection. That’s me. Mr. Perfect. Except, I’m not very good at it. When an imperfect person like SugarAnne trusts someone who is also not perfect, like me, I think that makes HER the perfect one.

    Welcome to perfection Ally!

  2. Sereena says:

    Please excuse me from being distracted myself, but I am pretty sure I read this whole post. I just want to respond to only one point in your post. You were wondering why you could take less painwise now that you could say a year ago, or why you could be all excited about the coming evening, but once the night came, your interest tanked.

    I have a few ideas that you could look into. The first is a simple matter of fatigue. Are you getting enough sleep? Being well rested is a very cheap aphrodisiac, but is so easily ignored. Making sure that you have enough energy at the end of the day is important for your relationship. It can be seen as choosing for your partner, rather than whatever else you are doing.

    The other idea that you could look at is this: are you saving your libido for your partner? Maybe, (and this is a problem that I have had) just maybe, when you are getting all excited about the coming evening, you “take things into your own hands” and once you have had the edge taken off by an orgasm, there is not enough edge left for your partner. Just an idea.

    Well, this is long enough for “just” wanting to make one little point.

    Sincerely
    Sereena

  3. Hi Ally,

    I think it is really important to think about is what is right for you. There are many contingencies trust/no trust/ limited trust… strong opinions/none/important considerations in any circumstance. We’ve talked a few times about how we learned from those around us by observing and imitating. But then there’s that time of now, when you have to trust yourself and it is hard. It is harder when you have a self and a relationship you are rebuilding. Don’t rush to please, chances are it won’t be from the heart and then you’re back to square one. Trust yourself enough to know that when it feels right, only then will you have the decision that is right for Ally. This lifestyle makes us too vulnerable to be anything other than sure. KayLynn

  4. Ally says:

    BabyMan – It gets complicated doesn’t it? I understand what you are saying though. I’m glad to have a guy’s perspective. Thanks for your thoughts.

    Sereena – Thanks for your ideas. I do get tired, I have full days with two young children. I think my evening reservations come from nerves and the knowledge that fantasy and reality don’t always match up. The good thing is that I don’t let those things get in the way. I may not initiate but I don’t ever turn Brad down if he wants to do things.

    Kaylynn – You are so right, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I will take my time bc I definately don’t want to be back at square one. Thanks K, your comment was really helpful.

  5. Sara says:

    “I’d like to give him what he wants, I just want to go slow and make sure it’s beneficial for us. I am trusting my own judgment more now”

    All of that sounds just right to me. Go slow, and trust your judgement!

    I think the pain thing might have to do with the fact that there IS less spanking. When I have gone a week I am much more sensitive than when the spanking is every 3-4 days consistently. Then mood and hormones do effect ,me too.

    What do guys want? I think nothing matters but what your guy wants, and what you want, and how you can piece that together for yourselves in a healthy and happy way.

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