Sometimes avoidance serves me well. Sometimes avoidance keeps me from things I would do or say in anger and later regret. I never learned as a child how to communicate about hard and emotional things without feeling like my world would blow apart. I just wasn’t allowed to disagree. I learned that conflict meant loud and mean things, rejection and long silence to follow. If you want to argue be prepared to deal with the fall out. So I learned to avoid conflict. I’m trying to unlearn that instinct and to talk about hard things in a constructive and calm way. At times it makes me sick, like I will throw up because surely something awful is about to happen. I will have to ignore that. It’s even harder to talk about things that bother me now than before we started TTWD. As you know, the closer you get to someone, the stakes are higher. Eventually the pain of not talking overwhelms the instinct to avoid talking. For the first time in a long time I chose to talk Sat. night. Brad and I had a talk about important and difficult things that desperately need to be talked about. It was a good talk even though nothing was really settled. It’s a step in the right direction.