annoying…and some other stuff

I’ve got this post that is annoying me.  I’ve rewritten it about 4 times, then I let it sit, because I am not sure that I like it.  And by the time I get back to it my feelings have changed and I have edit or write it all over.  Ugh, does anyone else have this problem?

Tomorrow I will be home!  Yay!  I miss my kids and my kitchen.  I won’t complain about eating out for a week but I will have to go on a super healthy diet when I get home.  I  need to get my butt back in the gym too.  

My spanko identity is still experiencing blurriness.  I’m not sure where I have been shifted.  Still no DD, but definitely D/s elements alive within our relationship.  Spanking has become an integral part of our sex lives.  I think there have MAYBE been 3-4 times in the past year when we had sex and it didn’t include at least a little spanking.  Not complaining about that at all, but it doesn’t always have the same effect on me.  It’s changed in that spanking used to be a major turn on itself.  Now it has become this separate event, linked, but not always connected to sex, and not always arousing.  Less so now than ever before.  Still, I want it there just the same.  It’s (at least for me) now like a relationship exercise where something happens between us.  For him, I think it’s usually about sex.  At the moment, the past few months, I’m not exactly sure what it means.  It’s been very clear to me in the past what it has meant, it’s just unidentifiable right now.  Weird, right?  My mind and body are not always connected they way they should be and that has something to do with it.  I really have got to work on being present in the moment. 

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8 thoughts on “annoying…and some other stuff

  1. Elysia says:

    Ally,
    Yes! I have a post that has been re-worked and re-worked. It is an answer to Q#2 which some will know that I OWE my readers. It is never quite right and all I can think is that perhaps my entire answer is incomplete. (I really don’t know!) But I also have several others. Baskin Robbins had popped in my head weeks ago. Published only days ago. I wouldn’t fret to much about it, you’ll finish when you feel it’s right.
    Spanking? I could take up your whole comments section, lol! I can relate to the not really always needing it for sex (Henry really likes it for that now). As for the not necessarily arousing in the moment (which he doesn’t always “get”),it’s the same for me. I like the spanking element to be there for me for dynamic fulfillment,but not necessary every time. Yes, we have dd here, but the D/s is more prominent and important. I don’t think it’s at all weird for you to feel this as I’m having very similar feelings. Perhaps it’s a stage?
    Elysia

  2. Florida Dom says:

    I hope you work things out in your mind about the whole spanking thing. Good luck.

    FD

  3. M:e says:

    You’re definitely not on your own when it comes to getting all tangled up in writing. I have a couple of posts in draft which have been sat there for quite a while now. I’ve decided to just let them sit there and see what happens.

    I feel you may have the germ of the answer to your inner questions when it comes to the spanking stuff by saying there’s been a shift from DD to D/s for you.

    love and hugs xxx

  4. Sara says:

    It’s so nice when it all lines up in our intellect and we feel we can therefore be in control, but it often does not work that way, at least not for me. I am glad you and B are doing well!

  5. Ally says:

    Elysia – There is a danger in promising a part 2… there were several occasions where I did and definately felt pressure to follow through (as I should). I do think that TTWD takes on a life of it’s own sometimes, lots of work.

    FD – thank you, I’m fairly sure that I will work it out eventually

    Elle – DD and D/s, it’s all tangled up in my mind right now, and there are several other factors, but a shift in something for sure

    Sara – no, it never seems to work that way

  6. amicablesettlement says:

    Hiya Ally:)
    I think I have more posts that I trash instead of publish. My mood will change and all of a sudden it doesn’t seem relevant.
    I’m sure you will find some clarity with the dd vs D/s. These things tend to work themselves out, especially if you gently bring your concerns to your hoh 🙂 (Stress on gently :))
    Salvia

  7. Meow says:

    Ally, I really understand about having a different relationship to spanking now. It used to be my major sexual turn-on, and it’s still a big part of our sex life, but I see it as part of our whole marriage now and not just sexual. Our way of relating as husband and wife, male and female has changed because of spanking. It has a deeper meaning to me now! Hugs, Meow

  8. Ally says:

    Salvia – that’s exactly what happens, it becomes irrelevent, thanks for your comment

    Meow – I wonder how many of us have said this at one time or another? Good to see you!

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