what’s good for me

What’s good for me is not what I always do naturally.  I really dislike scheduling, to do lists, and structure in my days.  Well, not completely without structure, but I don’t like to feel tied down.  I want to take the day as it comes, I don’t feel like planning it.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t get things done.  Because I do get things done (stop shaking your head Brad…).  I do, it’s just on my own time and I usually have reasons for my timing.  For instance, I am far more likely to clean the entire house in one day, than to spread it out through out the week.  It may not make sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me.  I’d rather expend the energy all at once, than to have to come up with the will to use energy for cleaning every day.  Unfortunately, having two young children and a dog do not allow me to use this system well, there is just too much daily destruction and dirt management to keep up with.  I also don’t like to plan meals for an entire week, how do I know what we will feel like eating 3,4, or 5 days from now? Well, I don’t know, but I don’t have time to go to the grocery store six days a week, so planning is a must.  Because I am a stay at home I do have some luxury in spur of the moment get togethers with friends of mine and my daughters.  Most of the time that’s how I do it and it seems to work well for all of us.  When it comes to making doctors appointments for myself I am an excellent procrastinator.  Not because I don’t have the number, or even that I don’t want to go, but just because it’s a pain.  It’s got to be done eventually but you would be amazed how long I can wear a pair on contacts meant to used for only one month.  I’m not exactly sure where I get this from… my mom was very organized, she planned everything.  My dad… well that’s probably where I get it from.  But I was always an excellent student, an organized student.  I was organized when I worked.  I am just not organized now.  I lack the structure in my day to day life that has always been provided/imposed or necessary at other times.  Now I have to be internally motivated and provide my own structure.  It is not hard stuff to do, it’s just tedious.  When Brad and I first looked at dd I thought (since he is freakishly organized) that he would start imposing rules about this or that (uh.. other than those related to the vacuum cleaner).  But that didn’t happen.  At first I was a bit disappointed thinking that here is a way to get me going, now I can get on top of things and now I will be magically happy and effiecent.  Then I was apathetic about it, he just wasn’t interested or didn’t have the energy to police the type of stuff that is mostly my job anyway.  Besides, his style is if he sees something that needs to be done, he just does it.  Now I am glad because, to be honest, I can be a bit prickly when I feel like someone is hovering, it seriously annoys me.  I’m not saying that there aren’t times that Brad asks (tells?) me to get something done, it’s just not a regular set in stone requirement.  And even with things on hold here I still do my best do what he asks or has asked of me in the past.  Anyway, my point was going to be that even though I don’t enjoy imposing structure on my days, I want to/need to get some measure of it for my own sanity and so I can be more productive and happy in all areas.  I am going to have to push aside any “but I don’t feel like it”s and just do it.  Proactivity “means more than merely taking initiative.  It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives.  Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.  We can subordinate feelings to values.  We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.“(S. Covey)

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9 thoughts on “what’s good for me

  1. amicablesettlement says:

    Hiya Ally 🙂
    I hear ya with the schedule. I have such a hard time with that too! It is like some kind of secret rebellion within! Things would be more organized and predictable – but what fun would that be!
    Another great quote too 🙂
    Salvia

  2. KayLynn says:

    Dear Ally,

    I hear you loud and clear. Salvia’s right on the money – it is rebellion – passive aggressive ‘you won’t don’t have control of me, how could you, I don’t have it over myself!’. It theoretically sheds us of responsibility and accountability – two “‘ilities” I have such a hard time with. D threatened me with no spanking and that was enough to spin me around. I have to quickly finish up my list for today. I have found simple comfort in not having to think about what I have to do – D said it would be freeing and I have to agree (Day 5… ) that I have removed that stress filled angst of ‘what should I do?’.

  3. mouse says:

    Ally,

    Oh ya…I bounce between having daily lists and a free-flowing day. The lists help in the short term…ya. O would prefer I have my duties and just perform them. Ya, in his world that would include cleaning the house from top to bottom daily (shivers).

    It is rebellion that occurs somewhere between my free flowing ideals and his routine oriented ones.

    Hugs,
    mouse

  4. Alice says:

    Ally, it is so funny that you wrote about this because I was just contemplating this very thing the past few days. I think part of the need for structure imposed upon me by my husband instead of initiated and fulfilled by me is that I need to understand what it is he expects of me. If it is just a special task that he requires of me that day, or a schedule of when and how my chores need to be done, without that guidance I feel lost and unsure of what is a priority to him or what he expects me to get done.

  5. Sir J says:

    the only structure that will last is the one you place upon your self. It is an odd paradox that to be controlled one must have control. To be submissive one must be strong.

  6. Ally,
    It seems that we have the same working style and our husbands seem to have the same take on *not policing*. When and if he asserts his dominance, I have a renewed sense of purpose that seems to drive me a little harder and I’m a bit more productive. These occurrences are few and far between, though today was a good day in that regard. I too, procrastinate with appts and yes my husband is far more organized. Are we soul sisters? Its a bit eery honestly.

  7. Ally says:

    Salvia – predictable and organized vs spontanious and (a little) chaotic….. it’s a toughie.

    Kaylynn – It is freeing to get done what you set out to accomplish, I agree

    Mouse – I wish there was an easy middle ground that everyone was happy with (I suspect there is, but likely not that easy to find)

    Alice- It does make it easier when you know exactly what it is they want, or for me, what is most important to him.

    Sir J – I get what your saying, and it’s a good thing bc I am the one who will be imposing it. I am understanding more and more about the need to be in control of myself before I can move on. Thanks.

    Elysia – I seem to go through waves of productivity, that in itself is somewhat frustrating. I wish I was more consistant. I try so hard sometimes, and feel like I fail to measure often.

  8. cillanoir says:

    It’s nice to see someone else with a similar style of Dominance within their “Others”.

    I’m a new time reader and will be adding you to my favorite reads as i have highly enjoyed your blog thus far.

    Keep up with the sense of accomplishment, it can make all the change in the world.

  9. Ally says:

    cillanoir – I am honored, thank you so much

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