what kind of spanking is this anyway?

Once upon a time I was able to move seamlessly through a spanking involving more than one purpose.  As always, sexual thoughts are not far off for Brad, he can’t seem to keep his hands off the rest of me regardless what kind of spanking.  For a long time I didn’t mind these things: sex immediately following punishment spankings, sex mixed in with maintenance, play time letting warnings sneak in, or maybe venting of feelings, maintenance and play mixed…. I learned to get used to it, accept it as part of our system, and adapt as I needed to.   Due to the emotional upheaval lately I have become rather uncomfortable with this type of arrangement.  It’s not that I don’t have a sense for what is going on at any given time, but for me right now to have serious “you need to….” talks during a spanking, and then 2 seconds later sexual stuff going on, it’s creating a guessing game that has my mind spinning in circles.  I don’t want to not know what is going on, what’s coming next, or wonder whether we are on the same page.  At the least it is unpredictable and at the worst creates an untrustworthy enviroment.  DD is still on hold for us too, which made the other night confusing, but we have since cleared that up.  I don’t think that Brad is doing this knowingly, it’s just a bad pattern that we’ve allowed to develop.  So here’s the deal.  I don’t mind going from one thing to another usually, but I need to know where the lines are.  If it’s going to be a maintenance spanking, a here’s what’s going to happen if you don’t get this done tomorrow spanking, a punishment spanking, or play/sexual spanking, then let’s say it and let’s be purposeful about it.  At least make sure we are on the same page, I don’t want to guess at what is going on.


8 thoughts on “what kind of spanking is this anyway?

  1. Ally,
    I am thinking about doing something that I know would be very wrong, so I won’t do it. But I will tell you what I might have done had my conscience not saved me. I was going to copy this post, verbatim, and e-mail it to my husband and sign my name.
    Oh boy, can I relate!

  2. Ally says:

    Elysia – you made me smile, you are too funny… I didn’t think that I was but good to know I am not the only one 🙂

  3. lovedandled says:

    I feel for you too Ally –

    As I mentioned in the past, J doesn’t allow this kind of confusion to happen often, but it HAS happened every once in a while, I think most of us can relate. I hate it when this happens too. Sometimes J is the same as B and he will get all fired up and punishment will lead directly to sex, or vice versa. It’s weird.

    Anyways – hang in there!


    • Ally says:

      Jenn – I think it’s good J makes a habit of being clear. And the sex thing…well, I guess we can’t blame them for that 🙂

  4. SugarAnne says:

    Wow! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say we were all married to the same man. It’s good to know you’re not the only one? I’ll bet Ricky Ricardo acted this way with Lucy!


  5. amicablesettlement says:

    Hiya Ally 🙂
    Wow, you have had a lot going on lately. And I can understand both your need to “go with the flow” and yet want some kind of peace and comfort that you had found at one point by using dd in your marriage. You mentioned in a previous post that you had a negative tape playing in your head. I know that one. The one that makes you question everything you do and every choice you make. Ya know what? It is time to upgrade honey! No one listens to tape anymore! You know what you need? An Ipod! 🙂
    Who put that tape there or what put that tape there? And why are you still listening to it? Is that person or event still in your life? And is that person your husband? Believe me, I struggle with the same thing. But one thing I do know my husband is the guy who encouraged me to upgrade. He doesn’t make me hurt, instead he tries to help me heal.
    I am thinking that you can relate to that. (If not I am sorry for presuming so). It sounds like you need some kind of structure and you had it with dd. But now, something is missing. And I think it is the security you had with those rules. Maybe you and your hubbie could talk a little bit about new boundries and schedules that work for you, but still give you what you are looking for?
    I would be very confused if I received a spanking that was something other than playful or erotic if I was not practicing dd. But just as you are confused maybe your hubbie is confused too. He was in control, but now taking a break, what should he do? It may also be a bit of a blow to his ego. Maybe he is questioning why he was asked to “step down” from his HOH role and go with the flow. So, he is trying to give you what he thinks you want, but in the process he leaves you with a “whose on first” sort of feeling.
    I think as relationships grow and blossom they also change. And maybe this is that time. Or maybe it is time for you to look with in and upgrade to that IPod 🙂 (Only you really know for sure). I am sending this with a great big hug! You have worth and value! Don’t be afraid to grab it and run with it!

    • Ally says:

      salvia – thanks so much for your comment. yes there is so much garbage going on in my life at times, now being one of those times. Most of it I don’t name here but will allude to, it’s just a little too much. I’m happy to say I am at least on the way up, so it’s getting better. Your not wrong about the confusion and uncertainty surrounding dd, but that just takes some talking which we are doing, or working on at least. I hadn’t thought about the lack of structure, that is an interesting point. Thanks for the hug and encouragement!

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