update

It’s getting late and I should really be going to bed…. I succumbed to some peer pressure and finally joined a popular social networking site.  Along with a blog and 3 email addresses I didn’t really want another site to keep up with, however, I’ve already found a couple college friends that I had lost touch with, so that is wonderful. 

We’ve got spanking going on in full swing here again.  🙂  All for fun and with the lovely side effect of stress relief and/or muscle tension relief.  The past month the muscles in my shoulders have been knotted up so badly that it’s been very painful.  Brad has tried to loosen them up a bit but the slightest pressure would hurt so bad that it would just make me cringe and tense up even more.  Muscle relaxers were the only thing that would help.  Anyway, after a 3 week spanking draught I finally got one and I was honestly very surprised at how much better my shoulders felt afterwards.  During spanking I do tense up, but it wears me out so much that by the end I just flop down in heavenly exhaustion.  Great feeling… I highly recommend it.  So far, it’s keeping the shoulder problem manageable or better.  Yay!

So you know that we are taking a break from dd for an undetermined amount of time.  We actually haven’t talked much about it yet, but we are just going with the flow.  There are so many raw nerves exposed that I don’t want to talk about it yet.  I wasn’t sure how it would feel, all of sudden not having the threat of punishment spanking around… Would I not care about the rules anymore, would I use the freedom to have a bad attitude or say whatever I want?  To be honest, as far as our relationship on a daily basis, how we are with each other, how I treat him, keeping up with the “rules” that were established, none of that has changed (except maybe communication is better at times).  I’ve tried to keep things as normal as possible, to not act out, to be considerate.  It does however feel a bit funny to me, I am not really sure why.  There is something that I miss, I can’t quite put my finger on it.  There is a lack of closeness that seemed to be there before, but I know that doesn’t have to do with the dd, or lack of.  At least it didn’t start with that.  I’m still fumbling around trying to trust myself, my instincts, my feelings, trying to sort through what is real and what’s not, what is true and what’s not, and it’s hard to be close to someone who is so heavily invested in your life when you are just trying to figure yourself out.   I don’t know what we are going to do, whether we go back and try again or not.  I am not even close to making that decision, but I suspect in time we will.  It may be a while.  We’ll see…

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4 thoughts on “update

  1. mouse says:

    Somtimes ally you need a break from things to move forward. Tides of life I guess. I do know what you mean when you wrote about how spanking affects you. I know the effect the leather strap has on me and I know a lot of people would probably think I’m crazy. But it totally releases my stress.

    Hugs as you both find your way…

    mouse

  2. Ally says:

    thanks mouse, I am hoping that eventually things will get back to where we were, or better

  3. lovedandled says:

    Hey Ally,

    Sorry to hear about your struggles, but I have a feeling that you will come through just fine. I can relate to trying to figure yourself out. I’ve been going through the same thing myself. My emotions are usually all over the place, like a rollercoaster, and it can tough. Some days I’m so confused I honestly don’t know HOW I feel!
    Good luck and hope you feel better soon!

    Jenn

  4. Ally says:

    Jenn, thanks for your comment, I’m sure we have all been there, just trying to work things out, it is hard.

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