Driving in the mountains can really scare me. In the passenger seat I can look out my window and see the drop off. Yep, straight down. There is no guard rail, no rock wall, nothing. As the contents of my stomach struggle to stay down, I am trying so hard to not look like I think I might die at any moment. I forced myself to relax to a point where I could nonchalantly say “you know, if our car went off the side, we would die…”
“I am going very slow Ally” he says.
“It doesn’t matter how slow you’re going if your car falls of the side of a mountain.”
“Ally, look at all the trees, the trees would stop the car…”
“We would probably die from impact”
“Yeah… if you hit your head on a tree”
“The trees would smash in the roof of the car, we would die.”
You can’t argue with a crazy person, he should know this by now. I used to get very nervous at times in the car when Brad was driving, usually on the highway. When I am in the car, and I start to get nervous, there is a point of no return and very little chance of me not quietly freaking out from the inside out. My breathing gets shallow, I feel sick and upset, my heart races, and all I want to do is get out. I start imagining things that could happen with the car, things that are possible, but also things that I have never seen or heard of happening.
It’s completely irrational.
I know it is a control/trust issue, it only happens when other people are driving. Knowing that doesn’t help much when it sneaks up on me. I am a thousand times better now than I was five years ago. I almost never experience that anymore, just every once in a while, and even then I can usually talk myself out of it. I hope that is an indication of being more trusting and less controlling. But still, driving up a mountain with a drop off is scary.