stuck

I can’t seem to write anything right now, I am stuck.  I’m not sure why I’ve been holding onto this post (below), but I did so I will post it now.  It’s from a week or so ago. —-

Last Saturday was a long day.  The spanking I last wrote about happened two nights before or it might have been the night before.  I can’t remember.  Saturday night was a very different spanking under very different circumstances and produced very different results. 

The past week had been filled with moments of aggravation and snappiness.  I hate channel flipping, seriously – the aggravation.  I also hate talking and answering annoying questions early in the morning…that’s where the snappiness comes in.  On more than one occasion I heard “you better knock it off”, got some glaring stares, or saw one of those grins that doesn’t necessarily convey happiness.  Apparently these were warning signs, and I didn’t think too much of them.   That was why when I got the text “p sp for you soon” – my first thought was “for what????”.   I didn’t get the chance to talk to him for several hours after that, we were in public.  So, there I was, very nervous, confused, and a little ticked.  When we finally talked I found out what for – the reasons mentioned above.   I didn’t realize that some of those things were bothering him that much, but I can’t say that I hadn’t been warned.  The rest of the day I spent sucking up and being very sweet.  I even made custard for dessert (which he loves).  I am pretty sure he knew what I was doing… he said with perceptive grin “oh your making custard, maybe your spanking will be less severe”.  I told him I hoped that we could just skip it all together, but all I got was “are you kidding me?”  Guess not. 

My next tactic was Sara’s panty trick.  Never been seen before – super hot – lacy- pink panties.  I was hoping to distract but he was obviously not paying attention. Oh well….  The emotion of the day had built up the tension in the pit of my stomach, but it was the sight of the spoon that brought it to the surface.  I can’t begin to tell you the emotional reaction that spoon causes in me, I’m not sure why it’s been granted such power, but it’s there.  After he began spanking, and btw I was surprisingly still, it did not take long at all.  I was crying and crying and crying.  He stopped and rubbed my back for a while, I though he was done but he was not.  It just went on from there… and it was a relief when it was over.  It was a rare moment for us.  I don’t get punishment spankings very often, nor do I usually have such outwardly emotional reactions.  I snuggled up to him and settled in for the night.  I felt like we were a little closer, connected somehow by offense, payment, and reconciliation.  He asked if I was ok, and yes I was fine.  I think that is nice of him to ask but strikes me as funny.  If he’s so worried about me being ok, stop using the spoon – then I will be just fine.

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8 thoughts on “stuck

  1. KayLynn says:

    I’m lucky in that D is in a much different spot than Brad. I may continue at this pace. All I can say is I understand that underlying anger that comes from an identifiable place often drives my ability to drip out the poison slowly and as underhandedly as I can manage. He was being cocky in the kitchen (they only place it comes out) & I had been feeling insecure about my own defects. Well that was enough for me to open the flood gates emotionally,but the mouth was clandestine precision. My point is: They can tell when we have no skin in the game to pull ourselves back. They feel the momentum and as D says, “Look! I’ve bought this ticket and taken this ride before… it’s not happening again!” I’m guessing the spoon (and I’m so sorry you had to see that “sting master from Hell”) came out b/c he knows you know what you’re doing – But maybe you don’t – in totality – it is possible it is subconscious on some levels – and yet… in the “end” it comes down to behaviorism! Hugs, KayLynn

  2. Ally says:

    Kaylyn – yes, he definately knows what the spoon does to me, no doubt about that.

  3. Janet says:

    Ally,

    Its hard to blog when you are “stuck”. It happens a lot to me. I always want my blogs to be new and insightful but sometimes just a “what’s going on in your head” type of blog can be one of your best.

    I really enjoyed this posting. Reminds me a lot of someone I know….Me! I too have a mouth that seems to like to run on after being warned. And like you I have the dreaded spoon. I hate those things. You need to post a picture of it so we can compare!!!

    But it is wonderful the connection after wards. That snuggle time is worth any punishment in my book. Glad you were able to clear the slate and get some special time together.

  4. mouse says:

    for me it’s the leather strap. It’s thick and about an inch wide or so. It’s got a sting to it that causes my nose to sting, when I see it come out (tears follow quickly). I wish I had some words to offer you, a magic trick to make him never do it again…but I got nuttin. If you find it out, please let me know.

    Punishments suck. I don’t mind so much the maintenance…but when I’m being punished…I just know it will hurt much more.

    Anyway, you’re totally not alone in these thoughts,
    mouse

  5. Ally says:

    Janet – I get in these bad moods and don’t bother to censor myself as much as I should. As for blogging, stuck sucks, sometimes nothing comes out right.

  6. Ally says:

    mouse – the leather strap sounds terrible, I’ll be sure not to mention that one around here. I will work on a solution but I am afraid that hated implements are too effective to ever go away. It’s true for me too that p’s always hurt more…Thanks for joining me in my thoughts, it matters.

  7. jslittlelady says:

    ally,
    having a block deffinately stinks but sometimes just posting the mundane stuff gets the juices flowing.
    How is it we can so easily ignore the big flashing warning signs that say we’re headed over a cliff and still be surprised when we fall?

    J always asks me if I’m ok after a spanking and I have often had the ironic thought that I would be alot better if I wasn’t sore from the spanking I just got but honestly I wouldn’t trade it and I need the emotional release (even if I don’t cry my eyes out.)
    glad you posted

  8. Sara says:

    It sounds like this P was pretty effective. Yeah, I hate the spoon too. I also have experienced a spanking in two steps, so to speak, and it is really pretty effective emotionally. Glad things are better! 🙂

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