a maintainance struggle

   Tuesday was Brad’s birthday.  After a full night of having a special dinner and a little party with the kids, we relaxed in the family room and then we were on our way to play and add in a little maintenance, which has been lacking with our disrupted schedules of the holidays.  He seemed very tired and I mentioned that we did not have to do anything now, it could wait till tomorrow.  He seemed concerned that I would be disappointed, but I was not.  I was actually looking forward to the opportunity for us to just lay there and have a nice talk together.  We did chat about some things and then the conversation took an interesting turn.  I won’t go into a lot of detail but the jist of it was how he feels weird having the hidden other life (dd) that no one knows about.  I remember feeling that way in the beginning, but not anymore. I am blessed to have an entire social network related to my “hidden” life.  It doesn’t feel like a secret to me.  Not only that but many of you know things that I wouldn’t share with my closest real life friends.  It doesn’t bother me, it feels well rounded and complete.   I spent the next ten minutes stressing that no one that we know talks openly about their sex lives, plus I guarantee that we are not the only kinky ones.  I don’t want to know who they are, and they probably feel the same.  I’m happy with the way things are… But his feelings are what they are and it’s ok that it feels weird to him.  I hope that he will get to a more comfortable place eventually.  I was at first mildly concerned where this was going, but then remembered prior discussions we have had.  He benefits greatly from TTWD and he knows it.  So then it got quiet, we were just snuggling, I looked at him and his eyes were closed, he looked so peaceful and I thought “he’s falling asleep, he must be really tired”.  I settled in ready to fall asleep myself and then all of a sudden he pops up and with an unusual amount of energy he says – “Get up, I want to spank you…”    Huh?   It took me a few moments to adjust my brain back to activity mode, I was feeling sluggish.  Not one to argue, I willingly placed myself across his lap thinking – mmm…. this will be nice (see maintenance post below).  Boy was I wrong!  I was fine afterwards, but this spanking was like a lightning bolt shock to my system.  For the past few months or so maintenance spanking has been more like light spanking and a full body rub down.  Yes, like a massage, and it is so relaxing.  So what happened to that kind of spanking?  It went out the door obviously; the innocuous paddle was not so friendly anymore.  I had a mixed bag of reactions, I was laughing and whimpering and unable to stop trying to drag myself off his lap.  He was holding my hand behind my back so he didn’t have a good hold on me.  It practically turned into a wrestling match.  I’m not proud of my lack of self control here but we were having fun too.  My biggest mistake was flipping over in the middle of a spanking, getting smacked on the side your leg will make someone who rarely curses let it out quite loudly.   Things only got more painful from there but by the end I was blissfully content and out of breath.   The rest is history…


11 thoughts on “a maintainance struggle

  1. Sara says:

    As they say…been there, done that…at least the wrestling match part. He always wins! 😦 🙂

    He’s growing Ally, finding his way. Doubts are part of it, and he only has YOU to talk to. It sounds like he knows you are there to listen and that helps him (and you) a lot. Just really nice!

  2. greengirl says:

    I think things need to break out and be different, stronger, more intense sometimes – maybe partly just to see how oit feels, how it works. Also – like a lot of systems, things get stronger and grow by being challenged and pushed. Very cool.

  3. KayLynn says:

    I love Sara’s insight. You two have eachother. You have us. He has you. While circumstances might feel out of his comfort level and control regarding ttwd’s squelched acceptance in society, he sounds as if he regained some of it with you that night. I’ve often told you that Brad’s actions are are spankees dream and you are sweet to share it with us. Have a cuddlly weekend! Hugs, KayLynn

  4. KayLynn says:

    Dear Ally,

    Thanks for this post. I am guessing it was Brad’s way of letting you know that while he may harbor some discomfort with his assuming ususal and up front ‘what you see is what you get’, he is not about to decrease its presence in your marriage. Happy belated birthday to an obviously great husband. You are blessed! Hugs, KayLynn

  5. KayLynn says:

    I didn’t sleep at all last night does it show?! Sorry for the double post!

  6. mouse says:

    sounds like a fun evening to me. You know tho, I think everyone has those feelings you and Brad talked about. We all go through periods of feeling isolated and even somewhat lonely in TTWD.

    But you do have us, and you have him.


  7. Ally says:

    Sara – I agree, and thanks!

    greengirl – I agree with everything you said, we are going through a time of coming around full circle but also pushing limits in some areas

    Kaylyn – your cracking me up, we are having a great weekend, I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight

    mouse – it was fun, I love that so often it’s not super serious and I laugh all the time. It’s good to know that others feel the same things about TTWD also, and you are right, I have the best online friends I could ever ask for!

  8. Florida Dom says:

    How true that you share online thoughts and feelings that you wouldn’t with people you are in person to person contact with. I think that is what is so great about the blogging community that we can share personal stuff and know that we’re not alone.

    And thanks for sharing that scene. Sounds like you had a lot of fun and that he is getting into giving you more of what you want.

    Good luck in your continuing journey.


  9. Ally says:

    Thank you FD – I do love it here, and I love being able to be so open and personal. It’s very freeing.

  10. jslittlelady says:

    when my husband J really started finding his place and feeling it in ttwd, we went through a simular thing. All sweet and lovely and then hellacious spankings, but it has settled some the more we go on. For play he’s full of surprises and that does send me into giggles sometimes. They can be really heartwarming sometimes can’t they?

  11. cultivateddiscipline says:

    I am really enjoying your recent posts. Perhaps they will come in handy for me soon eh?

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