Intimacy – stripping away your outer, more public ways of being and sharing your inner life with another person;   radical, honest self-disclosure, trusting another person enough to share your deepest fears and your greatest vulnerabilities

When I think about intimacy between Brad and I, I can see that it come and gone in phases.  Life can get in the way and at the times when it’s most needed are often the times that we miss the boat.  There are times when I would rather tell a complete stranger how I’m feeling than him.  I’d rather not risk being misunderstood or feeling uncared for or possibly rejection by someone who I am personally invested in.  Not that we make a habit of those but our communication can be faulty at times.  Rejection of your feelings or dismissal of your needs is painful.  The past few years have been a wonderful time of growth and maturity in our relationship and we have been experiencing the rewards of that.  Still, at times it can be hard to open up, to share when I really want to, it feels like rocking the boat.   The walls build themselves if I don’t constantly work to level them.  It’s hard work and I can get tired of it.  It’s easy to be busy with family, with responsibilities, and fill my head with unimportant things instead.  It’s easy to ignore the work and it gets in the way of intimacy.


5 thoughts on “Intimacy

  1. Meow says:

    Trusting another person to accept you as you are without rejection is the result of a lot of hard work (as you know). Just remember that showing disappointment, disapproval or impatience aren’t necessarily rejection. It may just mean he needs more time or more space or more explanation or he’s a guy! Trusting Lash has been a lifelong journey for me – it has led to misunderstandings and tears, but learning trust has helped me grow so much as a person. Good luck to you both! Meow

  2. mouse says:

    you are so right about walls building themselves and the longer they are allowed to stand, the harder to tear them down. I think we just become content with everything. Or maybe think it’s the way it is, not really seeing that we’re as much to blame as they are.

    I dunno…I’m glad you see it tho, and seem to be willing to push further than most.


  3. Mick says:

    Sure can relate to what you say. Real intimacy is always a great risk because we’re so vulnerable. But really, what’s the other choice in life?

  4. Florida Dom says:

    I hope you can tear down those walls and achieve the intimacy that you want. And don’t give up on communication. And hope you can find that intimacy in your relationship.

    And a happy new year.


  5. KayLynn says:

    I’ll share what I’ve learned and know intellectually but have to (repeat have to) improve upon. Not sharing is for me a way to repeat lessons learned a long way back that have to do with ‘sucking it up’ and denying myself a deserving voice. It is a bad thing. It is a not brave thing. For me it perpetuates an unimportance that should not remain if I’m to be best half of a marriage to a wonderful person. Just because Brad deals with his feelings differently than you do, does not mean that yours are any less important. You are by default adversely effecting/affecting I’m tired… the relationship because you are not being your best. You are diluting the input that negates the reality between you… you get this right? Now put it into your heart – Don’t quesiton it and just do it … think shoes (nike) and think if you don’t “just do it” you are running – AWAY from Brad… Bad Thing! Hugs & Happy New Year KayLynn

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s