It’s officially over, the relative ease with which I was coasting through life the past 2-3 weeks.  I’m not sure what happened except what goes up must come down.  Starting Monday after a nice weekend a cloud settled over me and I can’t seem to shake it.  It started with some minor stress that morning and an email from my Grandpa, the one who just lost his wife.  He is so lonely and sad and so far way from us.  I feel guilty that I cannot be there for him, but it’s just not possible.  I feel pretty helpless and crappy about that situation. 

Everyday I feel like I could burst into tears at the drop of hat, and I have several times.  It feels ridiculous to be making cookies and crying.  I’m trying to stay positive, my immediate family is happy and healthy and we are so blessed in many ways.  It’s everyone else around me who is falling apart, mostly physical problems or health issues.  I’m working over time to deal with those things and help with what they need.   Doing nice things for others should be energizing, not exhausting.  I’m sleeping well, but I am still so tired. 

Alright, the pity party is over, I just had to get that off my chest.


7 thoughts on “changes

  1. Sarah says:

    I am sorry you are having such a hard time Ally. I remember when my grandma died. I lived so far away that I wasn’t able to be there in the last moments or even attend the funeral. It sucked! I still cry when I think of all the things she is missing by not being here. I think the only thing that makes it better for me is that I know she is in a better place, enjoying better things. I’ll keep you in my prayers and thoughts.

  2. mouse says:

    It sucks sometimes, but we have to keep going. You’re so wonderful in the comments you leave for me; so I’ll just give you a big ol cyber hug and a shoulder for you…

    Big hugs,

  3. Katia says:

    Sorry that things are so rough. I hope things starting looking up for you.


  4. Ally says:

    Sarah – thank you for your prayers and thoughts

    mouse – thanks for the hug, I needed that – I should be sending you a big hug too

    Katia – I’m coming around, just one of those days, or weeks, thanks

  5. Meow says:

    Sorry to be so late in commenting and sorry that life is hard for you right now. Hugs and more hugs!! Good thoughts and prayers for you! Meow

  6. Sara says:

    Ally, each holidays after a loss is often particularly hard. They highlight the sense of loss. Let yourself grieve and heal. It takes more time than we would wish. Thinking of you!

  7. Mick says:

    Ally, I’m late in commenting, but I wanted to go ahead and say how sorry I am that you’re feeling so much sadness. I’m hoping that the gloom lifts some as the holiday approaches. Your grieving is normal and reveals the depths of your love–maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

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