Ideal – 1.Considered the best of its kind 2. Completely or highly satisfactory
I am trying to think about idealization a little bit differently. I have sorted out in my mind the difference between giving someone the benefit of the doubt or seeing them as a little bit better than they actually are and outright ignoring a real relationship problem. I believe the tricky part is recognizing a real problem.
Anyway, when I first read about idealization I immediately thought of D/s relationships and how it applies here so well. I will attempt to explain my thoughts in a coherent way. One of the first things I noticed when I started to read blogs was how couples generally seemed very happy. Most of the blogs I read were by women and I saw all kinds of -my husband is the best -he’s so wonderful – he’s amazing – type statements. Part of this I understand is that most don’t or won’t say negative things about their partners on their blog (which is great). This does create a kind of lopsided view of the relationship for the reader, especially for a new to blogs person, like I was then. However, most people will talk about issues, general problems or disagreements, but tread lightly around the negative and critical statements. Despite all these observations, I still think that a D/s relationship will require some idealization. Why, because for it to work the requirements are love, trust, and communication. There are two people entwining their lives together in a powerful way. A dominant is taking on a big job, responsibility, oversight, care, and managing their use of power and control. A submissive also takes on a big job. Ceding control of many or all areas of your life, the work of trusting, serving, cooperating/obeying. I don’t know about everyone else, but not much of it comes easy here. I often feel like we are tripping all over ourselves trying to get it right.
The dynamics take two separate people and twist them together like a pretzel. Bending and staying there can be difficult too. We all know that neither the dominant nor the submissive are perfect. Both will make mistakes here and there, such is life. The intensity of the relationship offers two things: the opportunity for damage and the opportunity for growth and intimacy. The stakes are higher and the potential is greater. It’s my forming opinion that a little bit of idealization on both sides manages the risk for real and lasting damage while encouraging growth and intimacy long term.