complications

 LR adj-042-2I was interested the other day when  I read Meow’s post about how the thrill of spanking had gone, but was now coming back for her.  I’ve been thinking about my own reaction to spanking these days, and how it has changed in the past couple months.  I am not concerned really, I recognize it as part of the cycle that most feelings are subject to. 

Spanking started as only an enhancement to our sexual adventures.  It blew our previous sex out of the water, and it had already been good.  My voracious appetite for spanking and sex has lasted quite a while.  My sex drive has slowed down some recently, but I still desire the spanking, just for different reasons.  I’m inclined to agree with Meow that incorporating DD into our relationship has added new levels of complication to the act and emotions of spanking in general.  Five or so months ago we started incorporating DD into our lives and along with that came a whole other world to learn about. Also, with DD came many new additions to our list of reasons for spanking, dynamics surrounding those different reasons, and the whys.  Along with DD comes punishment spankings, the prospect of maintenance spanking, submission/just because/reconnection spankings, and whatever else you can think of.  There is so much more going on, so many processes going on at once at any given time, and the focus is not sexual for me.  It has definitely been a distraction from the sexual realm.  There are times when it is just about sex, but the times that are not complicate the motions we go through.

 Lately for me, the spanking, no matter what kind, has been about the spanking and what am I getting out of it, what is happening, and it has been anything but sexual.  It’s not turning me on the way it used to.   This is further complicated by the fact that spanking is all about sex for Brad, even when it’s not for me.  It’s like two trains heading down two separate tracks that merge into one.  Crash! We slam into each other and it’s a disaster.  There are lots of times too where we narrowly miss each other, crash is avoided but leaves me feeling unsettled.  (I don’t mean to give the impression that this is happening all the time.  It just happens to be a small piece of what we are going through right now.)  Anyway, I think that we are going the right direction at this point together.  A night that was supposed to be fun turned into anything but…but at leasst I was finally able to see what was bothering me and let him know.

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6 thoughts on “complications

  1. Meow says:

    Ally, Thanks for writing this. You wrote: “I still desire the spanking, just for different reasons.” This sentence summed up my feelings about spanking at present. The reasons change from day to day but the reality is not the same as the lifelong fantasy. It is a matter of adjusting to a real life marriage and real life problems with DD as one of the components. It’s almost as life-changing as moving or adding a family member. Nothing is ever the same afterward, but it can be better and fulfilling as well as stressful and confusing. I’m glad you feel like you’re heading in the right direction, together. We are, too! Meow

  2. greengirl says:

    Ally – it’s intereting that you talk about a voracious appetite. That has been one thing that has blown me away about all this, and it doesn’t seem to be going away. I wish i understood it – but don’t want to scare it away either.

  3. Mick says:

    Ally, for me, spanking started out as sexy fun, as others have said. It still has a strong sexual component to me, but as we’ve developed into DD, it has taken on new and large aspects of responsibility for me. The stakes seem higher, the emotions are more intense, and the uncertainty I feel frequently is also new.

  4. Ally says:

    Meow – You are so right, it is like moving or adding a family member. That is a great way to put it. There is a whole lot to say about bringing the fantasy into reality, you definately have to do some adjusting.

    greengirl- I once read that the more you have sex, the more you will want to do it. Sex begets more sex. Once you get on a roll like that, and then add in something that you are in to and is intense like DD or D/s…watch out. It’s been true in my case, we’ve had about a 2 1/2 year run of unpresedented…ummm sexual appetites. Part of it may be my age and hormones, some is due to our relationship going through changes for the better, and some of it, this is a 2 parter, the antidepressant that I take for 1.I’m not depressed anymore 2. one of the side effects is increased libido. Lucky me…and Brad! Anyway, when I read on your blog that you told your husband to not let you say no to sex, it made me smile. I didn’t do exactly that, but I made it my own policy that I never say no. (Unless of course I’m sick or something, but you get the idea.)

    Mick – the stakes are definately higher! I really appreciate your male perspective, thanks for offering it so often

  5. Sara says:

    I think as you learn a new dance, the steps can get confusing at times. The tempo is a little different, and there are missteps, and toes even can get stepped on occasionally. Practicing a lot helps, and talking about what could go better, and sometimes you just need to be patient and accept that it’s going to take some time for everybody to get the new rhythms, and people have different ;earning curves too. Dancing with a partner gets more complicated because he has to learn his part while you learn yours, and then it must be put it together on top of that. It will come!

  6. Ally says:

    Sara, I like the dancing analogy, it’s much more elegant than my train one. I’ll try to be more patient…

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