getting through

I am trying to think about something meaningful to post about… but I can’t ignore what is in front of my face.  I’ve been waiting to share that my grandma died a week ago.  This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. I’ve felt many things, tried to allow myself to go through them fully so that I can work through it all in a way that won’t leave me stuck.  There is enough of that already. I have a strong awareness of how past hurts can wreak havoc in one’s life years down the road (things that have nothing to do with her.)  This is one I don’t want to do wrong.  I can’t bury it in the back, distract myself, or tune out my emotions.  I’m an adult now, and I can handle it.  Right?

After this week of wading in and out of anger, sadness, guilt, pity, sympathy, and fear I’ve come out on the other side whole and intact.  My faith, my husband, my friends have been my rock on which I’ve been leaning.  I’m very thankful for all the support I’ve received.  I still feel a bit scrambled,  in unfamiliar territory, but more relaxed.  I’m sure I am not free from struggle but I have confidence that I can move on and I will be fine.  The earth will keep spinning.

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8 thoughts on “getting through

  1. Mick says:

    Ally, I’m sorry for the loss. I remember you said that this was going to happen soon. I also remember you took some actions to repair the rift you and she had. I hope it’s not too condescending to say that I’m proud of you for doing so.

    Grief is a tricky thing, and sometimes it will come back on you even after you feel like you have it resolved. If it happens, don’t be too afraid of it. You’ll keep coming through it.

  2. Meow says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. It seems like a very difficult time for you. Glad you could let us know! Meow

  3. Sara says:

    I am sorry for your loss Ally, both for what was and what might have been. Give yourself more time than you expect to need. Grief is often like that, but you will slowly heal!

  4. Sir J says:

    my sincere condolences on the passing of your grandmother.

  5. Ally says:

    Mick, It’s not condescending, it is nice of you to say that. It was a difficult thing to do, but I am glad I did. She died the day after I sent it, but at least for me I know I tried.

    Meow – Thank you. It is difficult and then it isn’t, and then difficult and then it isn’t. Going in circles, you know what I mean?

    Sara – Thanks for all your support, your the best. I wish I was dumb enough to believe I’m over it, I’m not. I feel like I’m on the right track at least.

    Sir J – thank you, I appreciate it

  6. Hermione says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Ally.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

  7. cultivateddiscipline says:

    Hey Girly, my deepest condolences. Here you were worrying about keeping my spirits up and dealing with this at the same time. I’m sorry honey. Pretend it’s R/L, let’s sit on the stairs and drink chocolate. We don’t have to talk. CD

  8. Ally says:

    Hermione – Thank you

    CD – I love chocolate, in fact it’s my favorite drug of choice. The thing is, when someone dies I make and eat endless amounts of rice krispy treats. I don’t know why, it just happens. I’ve got plenty, want some?
    Ally

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