The saying goes ‘you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar’, but flies are gross and I’d rather catch butterflies.
Being a satisfied submissive requires a dominant partner, effective communication, and of course, some interaction. I love it when Brad is a dominant, take charge kind of guy. Even just in our daily lives seeing it happen, or experiencing it, gives me that sexual charge that just makes me want to jump him. It inspires respect when he is willing to do the work, put forth the effort, to make things happen the way he thinks they should. It’s exciting (most of the time). It works because I know he loves me, he’s not just randomly bossing me around, he’s taking care of us and our household the way he feels he should. What woman wouldn’t love that?
Of course there are times when our lives are not running perfectly… sometimes Brad is quiet, serious, withdrawn. He can be absent even when he’s sitting right there in front of me. At times like these, when it goes on too long for my comfort I start to worry. My first thoughts are; is he upset about something, is he mad at me, did I do something wrong? If asking questions doesn’t satisfy my curiosity or pull him out of hiding, I will do one of two things. I will leave him alone and go off and do my own thing and try and push the worry away, OR I will (subconsciously?) stop being so nice, throw a little wall up, and go back a bit to my old disconnected self. I will also usually throw in some good natured teasing that isn’t always taken that well. It is my (unclear) way of saying “Come on! Get up and show me your stuff”. Instead of pulling him out of his brooding, it was making things worse. He seemed to basically ignore or dismiss me and become even less actively dominant (in my eyes). This would leave me floundering in confusion and distress. The past couple days have been an experiment as I became aware of what I was doing and why. I thought maybe I’d try something else, what I was doing was not producing the desired results. (Looking back, it’s entirely possible that his actions were telling me that he just wasn’t going to play my game, or he just needed his space.) In place of being irritated and trying to annoy him out of himself, my new approach was to be more submissive, more accommodating, more attentive, more everything and see what happened. It turns out that the more submissive I was, the more he paid attention to the tiny moments that I was not. The more submissive I became, the more dominant he became. In fact, I was being so submissive that one little comment (possibly in the wrong tone) about sour cream got me a “wouldn’t it be embarrassing if you were spanked in the grocery store?” Uhh…yes, of course it would, but it would never happen :).
I know that Brad really appreciates the honey. So when I want him to bring out the more dominant side, the answer is to stick with the honey and lay it on thick!