trouble coming my way

Anger and frustration has a way of making me forget what losing my temper can cost me.  I have actually done very well up until now.  I have been calm when I was angry, I’ve kept quiet when I’ve wanted to hurl insults, I’ve tried to talk it out and listen when I’ve wanted to walk away.  For two reasons, one, I wanted to avoid any punishment spankings, and two, I want to handle things differently for the betterment of the relationship.  Well, not so successful this time.  I had been wanting some “attention” from him for three nights in a row.  Every night there was a reason he couldn’t, and “I’m sorry, lets wait til tomorrow.”  I just couldn’t hold my frusstration in any longer.  The culprit is the pain meds for his back, they make him tired and he has no sexual appetite as they pretty much numb his body up for hours.  So last night when this happened I stormed off to stew in my disappointment and to wait for HIM to come talk to ME.  (I know, don’t say it…)  Well, as I was getting more and more worked up thinking about how unfair this was, it seemed appropriate to take his bottle of pills, throw them at him, and tell him that if he wants to keep them he better hide them because if I see them again I would flush them down the toilet!  This did not get a grateful response, but I did not care.  Yet. 

After three hours of sleep and a lot of thinking, this morning I can see where things went wrong.  It’s true, I was disappointed, and rightfully so in my eyes.  But what he didn’t know, because I failed to communicate it, was that more than sex, I just wanted a good spanking session, a way to reconnect, and some stress relief.  Maybe if I had made that clear, he would have been more accommodating.  Maybe if I had told him how disappointed I was getting, without yelling, he would have been more understanding.   Well, instead I’ll most likely be getting a spanking tonight whether I want one or not.

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