Lately I have been enjoying Maryann’s Thoughts and her recent post really resonated with me. The part that caught my eye the most:
“Begin to notice how newer spankos write. Some of it looks really immature. Guess what? It is immature. Or inexperienced. Or naive, or something. We temporarily lose our bearings and crave more and more. We describe our highs as higher than the sky and our lows as completely devastating. We are completely convinced that we want the whole DD lifestyle one day and the next we wonder if the whole spanking thing was just a temporary thing. But, soon enough the craving comes back.”
Maryann is pretty accurately describing how I feel about me. I certainly do consider myself inexperienced and naive. (I hope I don’t sound too immature.) I have had my fair share of highs and lows, and some of them have been intense. It’s insane how much time I have spent on the computer the past few months. And now… it’s really slowing down and think maybe I am experiencing a little bit of burnout. The busyness and stress at our house has been sucking all of the sexual energy out of us. It’s hard to get in the mood for anything. I’m not feeling particularly submissive… I’m not going away any time soon or deleting my blog or anything like that, and I am not thinking of abandoning what we have started. I just don’t have anything juicy to talk about lately, that’s all. Furthermore, I am struggling against this apathy I am suddenly feeling about spanking, dd, wondering if it’s hormones or something, or just part of the cyclical nature of my emotions. I mean, we can’t be on top of the mountain all the time. A part of me wants to sit back and just wait it out, I am expecting the desire to come back sooner or later. The other part of me wants to fight to get it back, knowing how much fulfilling it is for me. So, I keep reading, but I’m trying to scale back. Slow down a little bit, and give myself a chance to crave more. I have read many of you say that you have gone through similar things, and all seem to bounce back. I know I will, I just hope it doesn’t take too long.
I think Maryann is right, it is fun to absorb yourself in what is exciting and fulfilling, but you have to pace yourself so you don’t crash and burn. I don’t think that I have really traveled into darker activities or pushed myself into things I am not ready for, but I have expected too much from both of us, too soon. I’m going to work on slowing down the expectations and try to enjoy the journey.