I ended two posts ago talking about dialogue during spanking. After a couple days I’ve got more to say. The way I came to realize that was what I really needed came from a couple different places. Firstly, all the blogs that I read offer me a great way to compare how things go here with how things go out there. I can see my own reaction easily to some of the dialogue going on between all of you out there. Secondly, out of curiosity and a desire to learn and understand more about a different set of lifestyles, some research I did was enlightening. In fact, I read so much about different lifestyles/relationships one day that I thought my head would explode. It was also difficult because I don’t know who’s who in the BDSM world. Credible sources, not credible sources. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, I did find at least one thing that related to me and helped me understand more about why dialogue is so important.
The website I spent the most time at was Peter Masters BDSM site. Even though my interests are narrrow in the wide world of BDSM, some things he talks about struck a cord with me. He talks about two key elements to BDSM. They are “control” and “pain, discomfort, and restraint”. Contol is obvious to me, the other- I had not thought about in depth even though it is clearly a part of spanking. Stay with me here, I am going somewhere… Masters says:
“It should be noted that the obvious physical associations with pain, discomfort and restraint are not the only ones. Equally, or possibly, more relevant are the emotional, psychological and spiritual pains, discomforts and restraints such as humiliation, embarrassment, discipline, behaviour modification, tasks and duties, etc.”
I can certainly experience the pain and discomfort physically, that’s easy. What is clearly missing is psychological discomfort, possibly emotional discomfort (any emotional discomfort during discipline would now be coming from inside myself. In the beginning Brad used to talk to me more, esp. during disc., but it is rare now.) He doesn’t care to, nor do I want him to, humiliate or embarrass me(in response to the quote). However, during discipline, for it to be as effective as possible, I think you need physical, emotional, and psychological discomfort/pain. (Of course how much would depend on the situation.) Though he doesn’t say it outright, I seems to me a large part of the emotional and psychological discomfort can be extracted by dialogue, or I guess a monologue, (depending on what the dominant prefers.) I am not saying I want to be writhing in pychological agony, …just talk to me! Tell me why I’m being spanked, tell me how you feel about it, ask me how I feel about it, tell me what you expect and why, and when your done tell me it’s over, you love me…ect. Do I already know most of these things? Probably, but lets get it out in the open. It will be more meaningful, better processed, and more effective for both of us.
In the case of nondiscipline spankings, well I have heard it said many times, our brain is our most important sex organ. Dialogue can only enhance the experience. It makes it personal, brings more connection, engages the brain. Otherwise, it is hard to focus on anything but the physical pain, bracing myself for the next whack, as I said before. As for spiritual pains/ discomforts… well, I have to admit, I am just not there yet. I don’t even really know what he means by that. Maybe someday I’ll think more about that issue.
If you are interested, you can follow the link about and there is a ton of information. Like I said, I cannot vouch for the qualitly of it all, maybe you can ask someone with more experience, but what I used for my purposes, it made sense to me. Masters goes on to talk about different types of submissives, more about dominants, and so on. I also have to say that I read somewhere that this was a relatively old article and there were maybe some things he would change now. Regardless, I thought it was very interesting.