conflict sucks

Well, it’s a big day tomorrow. Brad is having his surgery to try and fix the problem in his hip.  It’s not too big of a deal, it’s outpatient.  I didn’t realize how nervous I was until yesterday though.  Two reasons, if this doesn’t work it will be a huge disappointment for both of us, and it’s always scary when someone goes under (anesthesia).  I’m hoping today and tomorrow go by quickly so we can just get this over with.  In the meantime, I’ve got other stuff going on with me.  I really dislike conflict.  I dislike conflict with Brad even more, and I really really dislike when he gets up in the middle of a conversation late at night and leaves.  Over the years I have probably done that to him many times, retreating out of frustration or anger.  It’s been a long time since that’s happened and I probably would not do that now.  It’s very hurtful when someone just decides “Nope, not gonna talk to you anymore, goodnight.”  I’m going through one of those moments where I feel like he’s being unfair, and I feel helpless to change it.  I have nothing left to offer to change his mind.  There is nothing left to do but accept and move on. I’m kind of angry about it, which only makes him more angry, and increases the space between us.  This is not good at any time, but it’s especially not good right now.    

 

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3 thoughts on “conflict sucks

  1. Sara says:

    Aww, I am sorry Ally. That is really hard! Perhaps some of this is just the tension on both of you?

    “I’m going through one of those moments where I feel like he’s being unfair, and I feel helpless to change it.”

    Do you mean he made a decision on something you don’t agree with, or the leaving the room is the unfair thing? Was it an issue where you kept going on and on and he felt he needed to leave to end the argument? I had to learn, which was very hard for me, that sometimes Grant just needs to step away. I felt he was running away from me, but in truth he needs space to calm himself. One of the things we put in place a couple of years ago is that we both agree to discuss (argue sanely) about things, but if it gets too hot or upsetting, either one of us has the right to table it. To say “I need to end this now. We’ll take it up later.” and the other must honor that and table the discussion. It has saved us dragged out arguments, and saved us either of us needing to leave the bedroom. Often, in the light of day, or once we both have calmed down, the discussions can be much less intense and fruitful.

  2. Ally says:

    Sara, I felt it was an unfair decision. The arguement wasn’t heated, but I think he was upset that I wasn’t just accepting it. I’m thinking he just wanted to end the conversation, we hadn’t been talking long but something he felt strongly about. Thankfully, since I wrote the post this morning all has been resolved.

  3. Sir J says:

    Ally, I hope this makes sense. You did not, as you wish and of course I will be around.

    J.

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