the nature of this submissive woman

I read a post (by A Dominant Character   ) lately that has me thinking about the level of work a DD or D/s relationship can be.  It has crossed my mind more than once that even though much is required of the submissive party, much more is required of the dominant.  To be a dominant person in a relationship is a huge responsibility.  The more in control they have over another, the larger the responsibility.   Brad and I are carefully wading into these new ways of relating to each other, ( I say we are new to this a lot, how long do I get to keep claiming that?)  and are still working out a lot of things.  Once in a while, when I feel like something is lacking, or I wish he would be more this way or that way, I wonder if I am asking too much.   Are my expectations to high?  Does my husband even want this?  Does he feel like it’s too much work?  Due to my perceived lack of attention to this part of our relationship I do wonder, am I high maintenance?

We don’t have many rules, actually I can only think of one concrete one and that has to do with the vacuum (sigh…) other than that he expects me to be respectful, and occasionally throws out a request at me.   It’s nice to not have a bunch of little things to worry about, but I can feel like I’m alone sometimes too.  Sometimes Sara (Finding Sara) speaks about wanting to feel Grant’s dominance, pushing against the walls or the boundaries just to feel them there.  Feeling them brings a sense of security.  I really get that, I want to feel those things too. When I don’t get what I need, I get moody.  My moodiness is not always expressed in inappropriate ways, but if it goes on long enough it will eventually happen.  It makes sense to me that submissive women who are dependent on a dominant man would be more high maintenance than a non-submissive woman.  In my own life the past few weeks I have experienced the perfect illustration to this point.  I won’t go into details, but it’s been an uncomfortable revelation that my feelings/needs have suddenly increased to a level that was not there before, when I am not getting these new needs met I get moody.  Obviously neither of us is perfect, it’s going to happen.  I feel like I’m talking in circles, so I’ll close with this.  I will only speak for myself, so in my case, high maintenance and moodiness comes with the territory.  It’s inevitable.


4 thoughts on “the nature of this submissive woman

  1. Sir J says:

    Ah you meant this Ally, yes you may link any time you like. I have been following your blog for a while now and quite enjoy it. My little high maintenance comment caused a bit of stir but I think you have elgantly written here the point I was trying to make, obvisouly it needed a woman’s touch.

    Thank you

  2. Ally says:

    WOW, thank you Sir J, that means a lot to me! I am never sure if my posts going to be clear to others. BTW, I wouldn’t mind being compared to a Ferrari, ever! High value and special care required. Great analogy.

  3. Florida Dom says:

    I suggest you check out

    Or just click on findingsara on your blogroll and she has a link to it.

    PK has written three long posts on the subject of her and her husband getting on the same page.

    I don’t think you’re high maintenance. You and your husband are just having a fairly typical situation in which you’re trying to get him to understand what you need. Good luck on your journey.

  4. Sara says:

    Like everything else it is about balance I think. I know I have sure gone through feeling like I am too much of a bother, too “high maintenance”. I have needed a lot of assurance from grant that this is not so, that I am worth it, that he wants to take care of me. I most often believe it these days, although can still slip. I found out for me it had to do with both trust and a sense of self worth.

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