do I like the pain?

Lately it seems like our “fun” spanking has taken on a little more intensity.  Maybe it’s just that they have been a little fewer and farther between and my rear end gets too much rest.  But man does hand spanking hurt!  Sometimes I wonder if Brad might be trying break my butt… I’m certainly not complaining though, I’ll take very painful over not painful enough to count any day.  I’m starting to embrace the pain of spanking and really appreciate it, even when it’s hard to stand still.  I also have to ask myself the question that I’m guessing almost every spanking enthusiast asks themselves at some point.  Does that make me a masochist?  What exactly is a masochist?  I looked at a lot of definitions, thinking I knew what to expect, my most basic answer would be someone who derives pleasure (sexual) from experiencing pain.  I found a lot of similar answers, but also some other additions I hadn’t considered: 1. someone who obtains pleasure from punishment 2.deriving pleasure or sexual gratification from being abused or dominated 3. the enjoyment of receiving pain 4.  Sexual arousal or orgasm dependent on receiving punishment, discipline, humiliation, or servitude 5. a sexual perversion in which sexual gratification is derived from being physically or emotionally abused especially by the love partner

There are more but this is enough.  So let’s see, do I get pleasure from punishment?  No, not in the context of an actual real punishment spanking.  I think all of our spankings are sexually charged, how can they not be?  But I don’t get pleasure from the act/purpose of being punished.  We don’t do any role play stuff, and I’m not sure if that would count.  Number 2- do I get sexual pleasure from being abused or dominated?  I don’t enjoy being abused in any way, shape, or form.  Dominated, yes.  That is a big turn on for me to experience dominance from my husband – who I know loves and cares for me.  I feel like that’s an important factor.  Is my sexual arousal or ability to climax dependent upon receiving punishment, discipline, humiliation, or servitude. No to all.  I could enjoy sex vanilla style.  Actually, I personally don’t feel like any of those things come into play during our fun spankings… Lastly, a sexual perversion in which sexual gratification is derived from being physically or emotionally abused especially by the love partner.  Again, the abuse word, I don’t desire to be abused and I am not being abused.  So, I think that I am NOT a masochist.  My pleasure comes not from the pain, but what that pain brings out in me.  When it’s spanking for fun, there is a sexual tension there for me that beats all other turn ons.  If it’s spanking for stress release, or like my “mood adjuster” the other day (I have very little experience here), it’s the pleasure of feeling better.  If it’s a punishment spanking, I’m not loving the pain, but it’s still cathartic, it’s coming from someone who loves me, it’s containing and makes me feel safe like he’s there watching out for me, for us.  It’s been implemented to improve our lives.  I do get pleasure from Brad’s dislays of dominance, it’s strangely soothing.  

Nothing wrong with being a masochist.  I just don’t think I am one, not if it means I enjoy the pain itself… or humiliation or abuse.   

Any thoughts?

3 thoughts on “do I like the pain?

  1. Bonnie says:


    I try not to get too hung up on labels. This is because labels rarely fit well with reality. And that’s perfectly OK.

    What matters, I think, is that you both enjoy what you’re doing. If what you do works for you, who cares whether it fits anyone else’s definition or even has a name at all?

    In other words, never interfere with success!


  2. Sara says:

    Ally, I have been challenged on my opinion that I am not a “masochist” and have thus given it a lot of thought. I came out thinking I am not, and neither is Grant a “sadist”. We don’t do what we do for the pain, but for where the ritual and experience takes us, individually and in the relationship. The pain is only one small piece of what we do. And we don’t like or engage in any other “pain play”. Just my 2 cents!

  3. Ally says:

    Bonnie, thanks for your comment. We are definately enjoying what we are doing!

    Sara, yeah, I agree. Pain is not the objective, but more of a means to an end result. I couldn’t get there by any type of painful activity, or with anyone other than Brad. Thanks for your 2 cents!

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