When dealing with issues I have with Brad, I tend to be somewhat dramatic.  Someone gave me some good advice about looking at problems we have:  Address the problem separately from the person.  Instead of what HE is doing is the problem, or I am the problem, it’s communication, or a time issue that is the problem.  See how nicely that works?  (I don’t know if I am being very clear, bear with me). This is very difficult for me as I like to have someone to blame.  For years I told Brad, “I am so unhappy, you don’t give me any attention, I don’t think you can love me the way I need to be loved, I don’t trust you with my feelings, all you do is hurt me”.  Yes, I was that sweet.  As you can imagine, this did not inspire the love I desired and probably made things worse.  It makes me sad thinking about how that must have made him feel, he didn’t deserve that.  To his credit, he seemed to try to improve, but we did not understand each other and didn’t know how to meet each other’s needs, so that we did feel loved/respected.  We were floundering around in the dark.  Demanding love and demanding sex, a lot of selfishness being thrown around.  We were both very frustrated.  We dealt with a few issues with someone, read a book.  It helped some…  We also read a book called Love and Respect, it was very good.  It really harps in the beginning on how you can’t wait for the other person to give you what you want, before you give them what they want, someone has to break the cycle.  Then it talks about how men need respect and women need love, and here’s how to show those things.  We both took that advice, but I don’t know that I was really feeling it deep down.  It’s easy to be respectful, act respectful, but still hold some resentment down inside.  I have to be carefully aware of the resentment monster; sometimes I don’t even know it’s there, bad habit.  Anyway, this was all before we started having fun spanking, but our sex life was booming, and his attitude towards me was improving.  When I began the terrifying experience of talking about spanking with Brad, I have to say it was well received with only slight hesitation.  The first time we tried it, it was so intense and foreign.  I felt refreshed and let me just say that there is nothing like laying across your husband’s lap and being spanked to inspire a whole lot of respect…deep down.   I was kind of overwhelmed by all those feelings.  I felt emotionally out of control, very needy and vulnerable.  It took us a couple weeks to sort things out and talk about stuff and to have our feet back under us.  I will never be the same again, and that’s a good thing.

One thought on “LOVE & RESPECT

  1. Sara says:

    Ally, you really have stepped out. It is a risk for sure. It leaves you feeling very vulnerable, but so fulfilled when the needs are met!

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