wishing you all a….

kitchen counters and paddles

Hey everybody, I am starting to feel better, thank you for all your supportive comments.   The closer we get to Christmas the easier it is to let go of some of whatever it is inside me.  The week after Christmas Brad will be off work all week, I am really looking forward to spending more time together.  It should be a relaxing time.

I wanted to share something funny that Brad did this morning, I’m still laughing about it.  (Sara, I know you will appreciate this one.)  I’ve  been trying to keep our kitchen counters clear of clutter, which is no easy task with all the baking, school papers, cards, and pictures floating around the house.  Brad hates clutter and the kitchen counters see the most of it.  Anyway, they have looked pretty good the past couple days and this morning he left me a note on the counter.  It says “counter looks awesome!  you can keep it looking awesome!”  and below he drew a very muscular looking guy wielding a paddle.    I laughed when I saw it and told him he was very funny.  He wanted to know if it was threatening enough…. (don’t worry, he was kidding.)

changes

It’s officially over, the relative ease with which I was coasting through life the past 2-3 weeks.  I’m not sure what happened except what goes up must come down.  Starting Monday after a nice weekend a cloud settled over me and I can’t seem to shake it.  It started with some minor stress that morning and an email from my Grandpa, the one who just lost his wife.  He is so lonely and sad and so far way from us.  I feel guilty that I cannot be there for him, but it’s just not possible.  I feel pretty helpless and crappy about that situation. 

Everyday I feel like I could burst into tears at the drop of hat, and I have several times.  It feels ridiculous to be making cookies and crying.  I’m trying to stay positive, my immediate family is happy and healthy and we are so blessed in many ways.  It’s everyone else around me who is falling apart, mostly physical problems or health issues.  I’m working over time to deal with those things and help with what they need.   Doing nice things for others should be energizing, not exhausting.  I’m sleeping well, but I am still so tired. 

Alright, the pity party is over, I just had to get that off my chest.

holiday stress spanking

Our way that we practice DD is meant to make our relationship smoother.  It has accomplished that for the most part, I would say it has reduced the amount of time we spend arguing or being mad by 90%.  Our way isn’t perfect, but it is working for us so far. 

Our way means that when I haven’t told Brad what is going on with our day and then get frustrated and snappy with him for not knowing, I get paddled.  Hard.  And he’s all smooth and cool about it too, which can be disarming.  We were already in the bedroom, arguing or something, and before I know it he has the paddle in his hand and he’s telling me to bend over the bed.  What? No. No, come on (I was whining.)  I was not in the mood for an attitude adjustment.  I wanted to stay irritated and bossy.  He insisted and I swear sometimes it hurts more with pants on, I don’t know why.  It was not a long spanking, maybe not long enough.  Afterwards, I was trying really hard not to pout. 

We were getting ready to go out (the kids were gone), and 5 minutes later he came back into our room.  He had a different air about him this time, an air that I mistook for a less aggressive approach.  I knew from the look on his face what he really wanted.  However, after I went back over the bed again my pants came down I was surprised  by the paddle again.  The intention was different this time but it still hurting a little too much.  I was on fire and squirming and begging him to stop. I’m not sure if it was on purpose or b/c I was not still but he kept hitting the backs of my thighs.   I can only describe the feeling as sharp pain and seeing flashes of white-hot light, like my brain is trying to distract me from the pain.  I’m guessing most of the girls out there know what I’m talking about.  I was loving it and hating it all at the same time.  When he was done, I can’t say I was back to my lovely self, but I was definitely suppressing any bad attitude I had left.  We did go out shopping together and had dinner.  It ended up being a nice evening together afterall.

Comfort Food

I had almost given up on my quest for a decent chicken pot pie recipe.  I wanted one that was hearty, moderately healthy, and of course delicious.  This summer a good friend made this for our family the day of Brad’s first surgery.  I loved it!  I love it so much that as I was making it this afternoon I decided to share it with all of you, just in case you’ve been searching for the perfect recipe too.

Chicken Pot Pie

2 frozen deep dish pie crusts (or make your own)

1 potato- cubed (or more if desired)

1 c frozen mixed vegetables

1 can cream of chicken soup

approx. 1 c ckn stock or broth

aprox. 1 lb chicken breasts

Preheat oven to 375F.   Put one pie crust in the bottom of a greased/sprayed pie plate.  Cook your chicken and cube it or shred it. 

In a large bowl add chicken, potato, vegetables, and cream of chicken soup.  Slowly add ckicken stock and stir frequently, keep adding until you get the consistancy you like. 

Place the other pie crust on top, cut slits, and if you want you can brush it with and egg wash.

Place on a baking sheet and cook for 1 1/2 hours or until done.

Let it sit for about 10 minutes before eating.

kinky coupons

I had so much fun at the bookstore today.  Look at what I found -

As I was scanning the bookshelves I did a double take when I say this coupon book.  I looked through it and there were some  good ideas.  I would have bought them but I was too embarrassed.  I think I will make my own and give them to Brad for Christmas.

You can also find kinky coupons online if your interested.

revisiting posts

This weekend I’ve been reading in some new places, reading more than I have been lately, and something reminded me of a post I wrote way back in July.  I was more of less talking about trying to take the overwhelming amount of information and finding a way to categorize in my mind as it may or may not apply to Brad and I.  At the time I was having trouble feeling comfortable not having much structure to our new relationship style, not knowing what to expect from him, not know how I would react to certain things, not knowing where we would end up.  It wasn’t bad, in fact it was exciting and new, but still uncomfortable.  At least for the moment I am comfortable where we are, I feel satisfied.  Two weeks from now may be a different story, I just don’t know. 

When I first started my crazy exploration of the spanking blog world I was like a sponge soaking up every bit of information available.  I was fun and interesting but also overwhelming.  One thing has happened over this small amount of time,  my ideas and feelings about all that I read, they have firmed up.  My opinions are not jumping from box to box so much anymore (that was a reference to the past post).  I have a better sense of what I want, what I don’t want, and a direction to follow.  This is not say that I don’t want to try new ideas, new things, or do anything differently, only that there is more structure to our lifestyle.  I was told back then by two people that this would happen, I  believed them, and they were right. 

Since it was fun to go back and read an old post I revisited this one also.  I have to chuckle at myself being so concerned if I “liked” pain.  Honestly, I’m not sure that I can fully explain my feelings on the subject yet, but I also think “who cares?”.  I don’t mind exploring how I feel about it, but I no longer am I “worried” about being a masochist.  I don’t know that I fit any particular single word description.  In the past several months I’ve become much more comfortable with who I am and what I enjoy.  I don’t mind saying I’ll look forward all day to a spanking and hope that it’s all I can handle and more, right up until it starts that is.  When it really hurts, I’ll want out, and when it’s over I don’t regret a thing.  I love it when Brad pushes us, pushes me past what I think I can bear.  It doesn’t happen a lot, but that is fine with me too.  Secondly, I know spanking is more to me than just a sexual thrill.  I know now that much of the reason that I crave spankings is because they reinforce my submissive side.  It is not easy for me to maintain that mode consistently, especially now that the newness has worn off.  Being submissive makes my husband happy, and that makes me feel good and ultimately works in my favor anyway.  So I need the spanking sometimes, you can call it self medicating.

The other old post that makes me laugh was about the vacuum cord.  I wonder if people read that and think it is a silly reason to spank.  (It’s ok, I think it’s silly.)  In defense of Brad it’s not really about the vacuum cord but about the years that he has been frustrated with me for not putting things away correctly and immediately.  That was one of the first punishment spankings and led to no small amount of stress on my nerves that evening.  I actually can still remember it and it made an impression.  I am happy to say I haven’t been spanked for that since.  

I hate to ask for it

When it comes to spanking there is not much more that I despise than asking for one.  It’s not that I don’t want it, nor am I looking for punishment type spanking, I just want it to be initiated by Brad.  I want it to be his idea and I want him to want to spank, for whatever reason. You may be wondering…  Why Ally?  Why does it matter so much to you?   I’ll get to it……. 

These are the some of the ways I will try to “ask” for a spanking (without actually asking)  -

“I think I could use some attention…” (big smile)

“Do you want to do anything (to me) tonight? “(wink, wink)

Sometimes I will just give him a long unyielding stare in bed, at which point he usually asks graciously ”Is there something I can do for you?” (he knows exactly what I’m doing)

I am rarely direct about it- to say “please may I have a spanking?”  seems too… awkward. Besides, the first two times I said directly to him “I need a spanking”, I was admonished for being demanding.  It partly depends on my motives as to how much I hate asking for one.  If it’s for foreplay and sexual reasons, that is when I least mind.  When it’s for ”just because I want one” spankings (or any other reason), asking almost ruins it for me.  Maybe b/c it introduces the element of choice, obviously if I am asking for it, I am chosing for a spanking to happen. Whether it happens or not still depends on Brad, but I have had to make the first move, and I don’t like it.  It’s kind of like kissing.  I don’t want to ask for kisses all the time, I want them to come freely, because he loves me and is internally driven to kiss me.  I know it’s not exactly the same, but this pattern of thinking seems to be a woman thing.  How many times have we heard a woman (yourself, a friend, in a movie or tv show) say “I don’t want to tell him _________ , I just want him to know.”  And I’d say we want them to intuitively know b/c it makes us feel like our guys are tuned into us and that makes us feel loved.  It reminds me of the movie The Breakup, Aniston’s character says something like, “I don’t want you to do the dishes, I want you to want to do the dishes.”  Replace “to do the dishes” with “spank” and I think that is how many women feel about it.  Gentlemen, I’ve seen more than once some of you say you’d like for us to just tell you what we want.  I didn’t say it was fair, but there must  be a way to reconcile the opposing needs so that everyone is happy.  Any ideas?

* I wrote the above a few weeks ago.  There was actually more to this but I felt like it no longer applied.  I still hate to ask, I don’t think that will change any time soon but something very nice has taken its place.  I’ve not been so spanking crazy for a while now, I have settled down a lot and I’m comfortable where we are.  So, I have stopped asking, at least lately, I’ve almost become ambivalent about it.  I said almost.  What has happened as a result is that now when Brad is in the mood it is a nice surprise for me.  Even when I don’t really feel like it and have to anyway, I still appreciate that it’s happening on his insistence (because he wants too) ….and often that is enough to get me in the mood.  I love that he’s stretching and strengthening those dominance muscles.  I love that I don’t have to ask for it.  I love that I’m not having to constantly focus on moving the relationship forward.  It is just sort of slowing floating along right now.  Slowly, but comfortably.   

wildcats

My husband is a huge fan of the UK Wildcats (basketball).  We are really excited about the great year they are having so far.  I think this year for Christmas I will ask for these -

 

 

The conncection between laughter and pain

Not very often , but occasionally when I have let things build up inside me a strange thing happens.  I will be laughing about something funny, or b/c I’m being tickled (which I hate but can’t help laughing), and it has to be REALLY laughing, uncontrollably, and then when I can laugh no more I pause for a moment and I can feel it coming.  There is no stopping it, it is like the dam has burst, the flood gates are open, and I start to cry with just about the same intensity. It’s a wonderful and terrible release of emotions.  Sometimes there are obvious reasons as to why I would  be crying and sometimes not.  Does this ever happen to anyone else?

I recently read this in my book (yes, that book again) and it started to make sense to me.

“Because laughter is a high-order brain activity that uses many parts of the brain, including those shut down by trauma, laughter can have a profoundly healing effect.  Many of the same parts of the brain that process pain also process laughter.  The laughter that we share in therapeutic circles is healing, cathartic, and bonding.  It is also very intimate and allows people to connect through humor as well as pain.”        

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              T. Dayton

Maybe this is why sometimes spanking can make me laugh and it seems so funny, and other times it can make me cry.  The human brain is endlessly fascinating.  The author goes on to say that there are many emotions that are confined to specific areas of the brain, “but laughter is produced via a circuit that runs through many regions of the brain. Damage to any of these regions can impair one’s sense of humor and response to humor.”